wild*life

I have a new weight loss plan.  It involves feeding half of whatever I’m eating to the little monkey that follows me around like those seagulls in Junior High school.

Last night I was eating a particularly child unfriendly meal.  Crab cakes, red peppers stuffed with spicy goat cheese, and asparagus.  I was hesitant to feed shell fish to a 1-year-old minus one day, but threw caution to the wind.  He couldn’t get enough.  I fed him goat cheese with red pepper flakes that had quite a kick.  He wiggled and danced and grunted na na (translation: more).  He didn’t bat an eyelash at the asparagus.  He cried when it was all gone.

We’ve fed this baby ginger and pork potstickers soaked in vinegar.  Blue cheese, goat cheese, pepper jack cheese; cioppino, dill pickles, brussel sprouts, figs, farro with garlic, salmon covered in spicy salsa, Pad Thai, BBQ chicken (this got a smiley face at school), amarinth (I don’t even know if I’ve ever eaten this), spicy sausage, plain Greek yogurt, scrambled eggs… the list goes on and on.  His usual diet is mostly yes peas, thank you carrots, sweet potatoes, baby dahl (lentils & veggies), and mama grain (bananas w/ black beans).

Every so often he’ll grimace and gag, but the little hatch continues to open.  The only thing I saw him outright refuse was called Bollywood.  It was some kind of organic Indian baby curry.  I don’t really blame him because I secretly avoid curry myself.  I sent the second serving of it with him to school.  He likes them so much I figured it was worth a try… and I was desperate that morning to scrape something together for his lunch.  The Bollywood didn’t come home.

The other night, Mr. Grumplemoose reminded me of those career tests you take in high school and it got me thinking… what will Jakey be when he grows-up?  Unfortunately for Jake, Laundry Unfolder is not yet recognized as a true occupation; however, he has shown an aptitude for several potential jobs, albeit most are not quite professions.  Here’s the run-down:

• Art Critic: From birth to about 4 months, Jacob was transfixed by the painting over our couch.  Wild horses couldn’t drag him away.
• WWF Wrestler: See previous post.  He’s added several new moves and he’s always rocked a good costume.
• Drummer: Everything is a drum. The ottoman, the table, the window, his knees, my face.  Apparently anything can be turned into a percussion instrument.  He even bangs the drumsticks together a couple of times before he starts on an all-out, no holds-barred, drum solo.  He also has that wrist-whipping action down for maximum volume.
• Professional Eating Contestant: Can you make any money at this?  You might think I should be considering food critic, chef, or restaurateur… Nope.  His tastes are not discerning and he has shown zero predilection for cooking.  According to Wikipedia, he might even be able to pull down a little cash, “professional eating contests often offer $10,000 or more in prize money.”  This one seems to be a leading contender.
• Architect or maybe Handyman?: Lately he is quite fascinated with door hinges, moldings, and other architectural details.   He even gave our chest an “antiqued finish” just the other night with the corner of a block.  Or again, maybe that was Drummer…
• Dentist: How could I have forgotten to add this one to the list?  Jakey is fascinated by teeth.  He loves to inspect them.  The other day, we were riding the GenenShuttle and I kid you not, he stuck his entire fist in my mouth.  James would say this says more about the size of my mouth than Jake’s future.  If dentist doesn’t work out, Ear, Nose & Throat Specialist is also a serious possibility.
• Repo Man: Teacher Linda C., “Henry’s mommy packed him a cookie.  She made these homemade oatmeal cookies and Jacob grabbed it with both hands and tried to eat it.  Maybe you should make him some of his own cookies.”  Uh, Jake didn’t do this because they were homemade cookies.  He would have grabbed a bar of soap if he saw someone else eating it.  I am a good Mommy.  I am!

When I was preggers, I got an e-mail every week from BabyCenter.com telling me approximately how big the baby was (http://www.babycenter.com/slideshow-baby-size).  Heirloom tomato, spaghetti squash, rutabaga, 4 navel oranges, and jicama stick in my memory.  I would update my prenatal yoga class each week when we did our roundtable.  I remember I was terrified when I secretly looked ahead and saw the little vegetables enter the melon family.  I silently prayed I would never get to “pumpkin week.”

I still get these weekly e-mails but they aren’t nearly as good.  They’re all about the dangers lurking around every corner that will kill or maim your toddler… stroller recalls that will decapitate your fingers, formula in China, vaccines, car seats.  Why can’t they at least add a little tidbit on “The Size of Your Kid This Week”?  I’m thinking they could add tools and small appliances to the mix: toaster, microwave, window air conditioning unit, table saw, mini fridge.  Jake is about the size of a space heater this week.

Hey BabyCenter.com… are you reading this?

Your 11-month-old: Week 4

This morning I woke-up at exactly 5am.  5:00.  I’m not really sure why I’m still setting my alarm clock.

I’ve tried to break-up with my alarm clock in the past.  Two years ago I looked at my Sony Cube and thought… Hmmmmm, maybe it’s time to upgrade from the clock/radio I’ve had since fourth grade?  I did research.  I read reviews.  I asked for the ideal clock/radio for Christmas.  It’s truly beautiful.  But it’s on James’ side.  I tried to adjust and I just couldn’t make the switch.  I love the simplicity, the reliability, the sheer quality of my 1980’s clock/radio.  I’m really beginning to wonder if it might actually outlive me…

And yet once again, the Sony Dream Machine has competition.  A few weeks ago we lost power in the middle of the night.  My Jake-up call roused me from a deep sleep.  The Sony Cube was black.  Jakey TV was dark.  I stumbled down the hall to the kitchen to find my cell phone.  5am.

The Sony Dream Machine (ICF-C120)

News Flash…  Jacob speaks English!  Well, “speak” may be an exaggeration…  But there was finally evidence of minor understanding.  It was truly shocking.

He’s shown some recognition of his name for awhile.  Last week when we were watching the disappointment that was Olympic snowboarder, Lindsey Jacobellis (is this too harsh?), Jakey’s head whipped around like it was on a string.

Then he noticed the sock monkey Kia commercial during one of the thousand Olympic commercial breaks, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NBh3r2mVFR8, and James said, “Where’s your sock monkey?”  And then Jake actually got his sock monkey and said, oooh, oooh, aaaah aaaah (the monkey sound).  I was pretty skeptical of this story at the time.  Until the next day when he clearly got his ball and his rubber ducky on demand.

Sock monkey, ball, rubber ducky.  Three words I know I use on a daily basis…

We have dark circles under our eyes…  We yawn during the day… We have to hit the snooze button three times before dragging ourselves out of bed.  Well of course, you say.  You’re parents of an 11-month old!

Au contraire.  We are addicted to the Olympics.  Now before I get into this topic of the Olympics, I must note that it’s unclear exactly when, but several weeks ago some kind of baby switch flipped and now Jakey loves to sleep all night.  We just lay him down in his crib and then zonk… we don’t hear from him until 5am, sometimes as late as 7:30 on weekends.  I’ve decided that maybe there just comes a time when babies are ready to sleep and that training and book advice and all that doesn’t have a whole lot to do with it.  At this point I don’t know and I don’t care.  This is heaven.

OK so back to the Olympics.  I am a self-professed Olympoholic.  I don’t know why I never noticed this before, but James seems to be even worse than me.  The other night I told him it was time for us to go to bed and he said, “For good?”  No, let’s go to bed for a little while and then once we’re refreshed, get back up to watch women’s moguls… ?!

Anyway, the last few Olympic games I figured we had to stay up watching the actual gold medal rounds at 11:30pm because there was some kind of international broadcasting time difference that had to be tolerated.  It was painful, but it was a fact of physics or the international time-space continuum or something.

According to timeanddate.com, it is THE EXACT SAME TIME in Vancouver, British Columbia as it is in San Jose, California.  I repeat… THE EXACT SAME TIME.  And therefore I am really racking my brain as to why I’m going to have to stay up until 10:30pm tonight I’m sure, to see if Apolo Anton Ohno is going to win another gold medal.  How can this be?

I blame NBC.  When I was a little girl, back in my most formative years… when I developed this addiction to the Olmpics… I remember heartwarming family dinners at the game table in the living room.  It was the only time, every 4 years, that we were allowed to eat dinner in front of the TV.  We were the picture of perfect American family bliss– enjoying our steak and baked potatoes while being wowed by Mary Lou Retton, Nadia Comaneci, Peekaboo Street, Carl Lewis, Kristi Yamaguchi, and Tanya Harding.

How are the kids of today going to develop into Olympoholics if they’re all in bed during the best footage?!  If we start to have fewer U.S. Olympians without the competitive spirit and drive needed to bring home gold, don’t forget, it’s NBC’s fault.  We’ve all been warned about the inevitable fall of the American superpower… who knew that TV broadcasters would be to blame?

Yes, you read it here first.  I’ll probably be citing this blog post knowingly when I’m 90 and the U.S. medal count is equivalent to the historic achievements of Bahrain.

On February 1st, Jakey and I were playing a little game of Pineapple Upside Down Jake while waiting for the bus.  Here comes his third tooth!  Pretty soon he’ll look like this…

Here we go with the top hits of the nation this week on Jakey’s Top 40, the best-selling and most-played songs from San Jose to South San Francisco, from Canada to Mexico.

This is Jakey Jakesmom in Mommywood, California.  In the next three minutes, we’ll count down the 5 most popular hits in the livingroom this week, hot off the record charts of I’mBored magazine for the week ending February 7, 2010.  In this hour, a song that’s been a hit 4 different times in the last 10 months.  This week’s #5 in the countdown comes to you from Mommy and Daddy’s room… Banana Pancakes:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dC-KeoegcHg

We’re back.  This is Jakey’s Top 40.  I’m Jakey Jakesmom.  And we’re just one tune away from the singer with the $20,000 gold hubcaps on his car.  Now, on with the countdown!

Coming in at #4 is a song that is sweeping the nation.  It’s popularity when putting on clothes, washing faces, and roller skating, is undeniable.  Here is The Jakey Pokey, sung by the Big D:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4E5F2iDg0FU

Next up on our countdown, at #3, is a song not usually thought of as popular with the toddling crowd.  However this song is rocketing up the charts in preschools, playgrounds, and Gymboree classes across the nation.  Sung by the infamous Cheezy Momz, Sock Monkey (That Funky Monkey):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BJEyCn6Ozlg

I’m Jakey Jakesmom.  This next song was this week’s most requested tune in the kitchen, the stroller, and the Canary Islands.  Lead vocals by the one and only EmoEm, here is Do Do a Dollop of Jakey:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7SW5aOX2_I

We’re finally up to the song you’ve all been waiting for.  This week’s #1 song has been at the top of both the Breakfast and Snack Time charts.  For the second week in a row, here is Milk & Cereal by M Love & Special Sauce:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJwlN6Rai2U

And that wraps-up this week’s Jakey Top 40 Countdown.  I’m Jakey Jakesmom.  Join us next week for the greatest hits of 2010.  Till then, keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars.

I’ve been meaning to keep a little running Airplane Report Card for Baby Jake.  I’m thinking of it kind of like a batting average.  I confess, I’ve never really understood how batting averages are calculated and why they have to be down to the thousands digit (.215?!!), and I’m sure if I cared, James could tell me…  anyway, here is Jake’s quick and dirty Airplane Scorecard (to be amended as appropriate):

Three categories: Angel Baby, Devil Baby, Limbo (this is where you go if you don’t go to heaven or hell, right?)  Again, James is my go to “expert” on all things biblical.

Flatrock (07/01-07/07/09):     Angel Baby: 3, Devil Baby: 1

Disneyland (01/05-01/08/10): Angel Baby: 1, Limbo: 1 (After the first leg of this trip I thought his average was going to skyrocket up but alas… the flight home created the new “Limbo” category.)

ABA (Airplane Batting Average): To Be Calculated