wild*life

This morning James puts Jake in his car seat so we can all go to the train station.  He is now sitting forward which seems to be way more his style.

James, “Jakey, are you ready to go to school?”
Jake, “No.”

James, “Jakey, aren’t you looking forward to seeing your new friends today?”
Jake, “No.”

James, “Jakey, do you say anything other than no?”
Jake, “No.”

We’ve been cruising along the freeway of parenthood for 15 months now.  Of course there have been some sections of the road that seem to be maintained by the City of San Jose, some nausea inducing curves, and a few times we may have been asleep at the wheel.

Just when we thought we’d hit that beautiful section of 280 where the tony people live, we noticed some bizarre baby behaviors.  We’ve been watching these scenes unfold like a car crash on the side of the road… you just can’t look away.  I’d say we’ve screeched to a halt at the El Monte bottleneck.  We are now just rubberneckers on the toddler turnpike.

* One night Jake took a block and hit himself in the head.  He then furrowed his brow and scowled, hitting himself again in the forehead with this block.  Then he was pissed.  At the block.  He threw it down and waved his little arm, slamming the evil block away, AWAY!  Stupid block.

* Jacob loves “bath time bath time.”  He likes to bathe with his two rubber bees (one is probably a butterfly, but really it’s more like a bee with fancy wings),  his rubber flower, and the round green plastic soap cap that does double duty as a cup.  It’s round so it’s also known as “ball.”  Jake will not stop drinking the bath water.  He leans down and laps it up.  Sometimes he drinks it from the green “ball.”  “Yucky” is ineffectual.  The other night he decided he was thirsty, after we’d washed his hair.  He drank the soapy water, ignoring my advice.  Then he was pissed.  At the water.  He slapped his hand at the water and waved his little arm, sending tidal waves of evil water away, AWAY!  Stupid water.

* Jakey recently made up a new game.  It involves taking any giant blanket-like covering, such as a towel, an afghan, curtains… and creating a big self-inflicted blindfold.  He thinks it is so funny to walk around like a little zombie with his arms out.  One morning when I wasn’t there to stop little dangerous “Ghost Jakey” he tripped and fell into the bed, skinning and bruising the bridge of his button nose.  Then he was pissed.  At the bed AND the towel.  He slapped his hand at the bed and waved his little arm, swatting the heaviest bed in the world away, AWAY!  Stupid bed.

* A few weeks back we were playing with Jake’s computer, which is an old giant Dell doorstop.  He leaned over multiple times to kiss the screen.

Rubberneckers.  Can you blame ’em?

Last week was the longest I’ve ever been away from Jakey.  4 nights in the steam bath that is Miami in June.  More importantly, it was the longest I’ve ever been away from both Jakey and James together.  We are all still recovering and in need of some pampering.

Speaking of pampering, just when I thought there is no time for a pedicure when you have a baby… I found out there is time for a pedicure when you are a baby.  My mom says Jake told her the polish bottle was “bubbles.”  Not to worry, Jake is quite secure in his manliness.  He was busy playing soccer when his dad noticed his little pink toenails.

My bra is in the kitchen.

The ottoman is in the hall. 

There’s a block in the shower,

Things are up at least 3 feet tall.

An empty TP roll in the dishwasher,

My folded clothes were pulled out of the drawer,

Brand-new swimmy diapers in the hamper,

Clean clothes strewn about the floor.

We love our little rearranger,

He’s a busy little bee.

Just follow the trail of mayhem,

That’s where you’ll find Jakey.

Ball translation Apple

Ball translation Blueberry

Ball translation Cherry

Ball translation Bean

Ball translation Rock

Shoe translation Sock

Shoe translation Shoe

Agua translation Water

Agua translation Milk

Apple translation Up

1. I wish I was Tina Fey.  (I fell in love with her as Sarah Palin.  I wanted to be her after the outtakes in the movie “Date Night.”)

2. Hazel is the word you use when you have no idea what color something is.  (As in, my son has hazel eyes… I waited 21 months to find out the color of my baby’s eyes, only to find they’re indescribable.)

3. Modern Family might be my most favorite show.  Phil Dunphy.  Period.

4. Macs are not that easy to use.  They have funny marketing.

5. This is the end of BP, despite what the “experts” may say.

6. I found out I love the Colbert Report (pronounced Rapport).  His humor helps to distract me from that wonky ear.

7. People in California are trying very hard to make smoking tobacco virtually illegal.  Meanwhile people in California are trying to make smoking marijuana legal.  Are these the same people? 

8. Sometimes they publish lists of the best inventions of all time.  Any publication that doesn’t have indoor plumbing listed as #1 goes straight to the outhouse.

9. I can’t listen to recorded music made for kids or sung by kids.

10. Jakey is 14 months, 4 weeks old.  I’m still not certain what color his hair is.  Maybe… hazel?

Tomorrow begins Jakey’s last week at the Gateway YMCA.  I’ve been sick about making this decision for over a month.  The day I gave Jake’s school notice that he was leaving, I came home and James had to give me a chocolate pudding cup and let me watch America’s Next Top Model.  It only helped a little bit.

Jakey has been going to the ladybug room since he was barely 4 months old.  I know if I did the math, he has spent more waking hours there than he ever has with James and me.  It has been such a wonderful, loving place for him.  Everybody knows Jakey and he gets TONS of hugs and kisses every day.  He even went through a short phase when he called Sylvia, the director, Mama.  Sylvia is African-American…  She told me my son was the anti-birth control.  Isn’t that just the sweetest?…

The only consolation is that Teacher Linda C. is retiring at the end of July.  So, I’ll be back on Caltrain before you know it.  Like the old old days when it was just me and my paperback.  Before I even had school books.  It’s hard to think about Jake being almost an hour away by car, but I know it will be better for everyone.  Being in the car has become exhausting and Jake starts to struggle and cry when he sees the car– knowing that he’s about to be trapped in his car seat.  I’m sure we’ll grow to love Saint Elizabeth’s.  

I had no idea changing schools would be so traumatic… for me.

I’ve decided maybe I should write a product review now and again.  Just to mix it up a bit.  I don’t really have a plan in terms of my criteria for what makes a good piece of baby equipment… it just is or it isn’t.

That said, my first review is on our high chair: the Boon Flair Standard High Chair

Babygizmo.com has a great video review (http://www.babygizmo.com/p/boon_flair_standard_high_chair/102113standard0.html).  My dearest friend Jamie described it best.  It looks like a modern barber chair.

I LOVE this high chair.  It really is the easiest thing to clean.  There aren’t any cracks or crevices collecting yucky baby gunk build-up.  One morning I woke up and went into the kitchen.  We’d fed Jake spaghetti with tomato sauce the night before and forgot to wipe down the armrests.  I silently freaked.  What if the chair is permanently dyed tomato sauce pink?!  Not to worry.  The white plastic is invincible.

We easily glide it from the dining room to the kitchen and back.  It doesn’t convert into 4 chairs like some high chairs.  But then again I sometimes wonder, what 4 kinds of chairs can a high chair transform into?  An Adirondack/massage/papasan/La-Z-Boy?  Does Jake really need to recline at the dinner table?  Hmmmm.

It has a little tray in front which works perfectly.  I do think it’s actually teaching Jake to eat in a small area.  Goodness knows we embrace anything that teaches him the wonderful lesson of containment.

In summary, on a scale of 1 to 5, I give the Boon Flair 5 Jakey Cakes.

Several months ago, Jakey realized he no longer had to be a passive receiver of zerberts, he could also hand them out.  So, whenever he sees a nice area of exposed skin, he leans over and blows on it.  I didn’t know you could zerbert someone’s calf, shoulder or knee, but apparently you can.  Although, I’m pretty sure Jake’s cheeks are the primary source of this irresistible noise…  irresistible to all boys– big and small.

Around the same time, we also taught him about belly buttons.  He’s shortened it to “button” and loves the game of lifting up shirts to look at buttons, and then blowing zerberts.  The danger is that he’s liable to do this outside the safety of our own home.  Apparently he’s been lifting up Teacher Linda C.’s shirt and yelling “button”!  Just be careful if you’re wearing a skirt.

At Jakey’s first birthday party, his Nonno noticed he was doing sign-language for “more.”  What a revelation!  Now we had a silent solution to our public dining dilemma.  Sign language is much less disruptive between every bite of sashimi.  Jakey’s sign for more is his right index finger pointed into the palm of his left hand (http://www.signingsavvy.com/sign/OWE).  His teachers at school must have been trying to reduce the lunchtime volume.

Someone recently questioned this sign as the one for “more.”  James went online to look it up.

Jakey’s sign for “more”?  Technically the sign for “owe” as in, “You owe me.”  Why am I not surprised?