As I take a moment to reflect on the past fifteen years, the boys have gone through several distinct phases. Eras really. So let’s take an Eras Tour, if you will. Oh how they’ll hate that reference if they ever read this. One particular truth of being a teenage boy in 2024 is your vocal and utter disdain for the Swifties. This is why everyone I know with daughters took expensive and epic trips to see concerts in far off places, and I didn’t even know that was a thing.
Our earliest era is what I call “Choo Choo Explosion.” Fairly self-explanatory. We then passed through a series of childhood seasons: Animals, Supahman, Dragons, Pokémon, Legos, and Nerf Guns. Followed by Fortnite. These eras have had a natural and somewhat predictable progression. Little American boys everywhere can likely relate.
They grow-up too fast. So cliché. So true.
For Jacob’s fifteenth birthday I ask him what he wants and he tells me “cologne.” <Record scratch.>
Now we live in a place without department stores. And gone are the days where you had to weave and dodge through the first floor of Macy’s, avoiding ladies that would spray you. So I go on the internet looking for a sampler. I really want it to include Safari and Acqua di Gio as these were my favorite when I was in high school. Karen also reminds me we like Obsession. Turns out at some point in the past, Macy’s sold a holiday sampler of 20 small vials of their best-selling fragrances, now available in a beat-up box on Ebay. It has Acqua di Gio, but doesn’t appear to contain the top of the ’90’s charts.
Jacob opens it on his birthday and we’ve hit Billboard’s #1. The box also comes with a bunch of those magazine inserts where you peel up the edge and rub the paper on your wrists so you can smell it. The look on his face when I explain this concept… He throws them in the trash.
As JJ’s unwrapping his presents, I impart a bit of dad wisdom. In college, James told me you always put one spray right in the middle of your chest… because that’s where a girls’ face hits when she hugs you.
So our morning car rides have taken on a new scent. This week I asked him how many sprays he’s been using and he told me two. I recommend cutting back to one. And the clichés just keep on coming.