Let’s just say that when it comes to pop culture, I’m warming the bench.
You know that game Celebrity? Yeah, me neither.
Probably the result of my woodland childhood and five staticky TV channels. (3, 8, 11, 35 and 46, for the record.) But no matter how wide-eyed and clueless I might be… I have one certain childhood friend that I’d actually take on, toe to toe.
There was this one time in college where we were riding camels in Morocco, and she is loudly proclaiming her love of camel toes. She just can’t get enough camel toes. They’re so cute! She needs a picture! Aren’t camel toes the best? Meanwhile, I’m traversing the Sahara riding the only pregnant camel with giant water canteens strapped to her sides during this entire conversation. After multiple references and my inability to contain my mirth any longer, I brought her up to speed on the urban dictionary definition of camel toe. Her moments of recognition are so undeniably genuine…
My other favorite story is when she retold me how from the dentist’s chair, the hygienist had asked her what kind of floss she’d been using and she responded, “I think it’s called Astroglide?”
So, this year our family dutifully immersed ourselves in the winter Olympics. One particular night, we were watching men’s speed-skating and well, let’s just say, the speed-skating uniforms were the subject of numerous news reports and social media critiques. After one race, James can’t help but exclaim, “Holy Camel Toe…” and we’re both hit with a case of the giggles and an inability to make direct eye contact. The boys begin to pipe-up, “Dad, what’s camel toe? What? Why are you laughing?!”
I just can’t speak— the giggles are too strong. I’m able to squeak out, “James you have to tell them! They need to know. What if they don’t find out till college? What if they tell Dr. Petrik they floss with Astroglide?!” Just kidding, I added that last question for comedic effect.
And so, we had a familial teaching moment.
The next day Nate is relaying to me how he took some of his scant cash resources to school to purchase a sno cone. And he says to me, “Mama, I had it doggie-style. Doggie-style.”
“Uh, what?”
And he mimes eating the sno cone without hands like a dog.
James and I exchange furtive looks over his head. Camel toe seems sufficient for this week.