Dog Babies

About three weeks ago I was at the mall.  I did a double-take when a lady passed me with a full-size stroller, pushing her dog.  Dog strollers?!  When I say it, it sounds vaguely familiar… yet no less disturbing.

I’ve had approximately eight doggies over the course of my life, both big outdoor hounds and little indoor fuzzballs.  I find it really funny when people tell me they’re getting a dog to “practice”… for kids.

I totally understand why people have pets and consider them their children.  My favorite quote from the book Eat, Pray, Love: “Having a baby is like getting a tattoo on your face.”  And giving up frequent movies, fancy gourmet restaurants, trips abroad and carefree weekend getaways… at least for a few years.

But I just can’t get behind this idea of practicing for kids by getting a dog.  Or as Jake now says, “goggie.”  He used to say “doggie.”  A few thoughts for consideration:

* There comes a point when it becomes socially unacceptable to keep your child off the furniture.  I remember a sticky, drooley Jakey starting to climb-up on my camel-colored couch.  I had to resist the urge to sweep him back onto the floor like a poodle.
* It’s OK to put your puppy in a warm garage.  Especially when it is yipping and whining all night long.
* You can leave your dog at home all day.  Alone.
* So far I’ve never met a dog that has “bath time” every night.
* Most dogs eat the same thing… three times a day.  Usually it requires pouring dry food into a bowl.
* The majority of puppies don’t change clothes multiple times a day… creating mountains of laundry.
* Dogs can’t reliably open cupboards, drawers, and closets to access pills, poisons, knives and noose-like objects.

Don’t get me wrong.  If you want a goggie you should definitely get one and enjoy it!  Just don’t be surprised when, if you decide to have a baby, it’s nothing like having a dog.