We are deeply saddened to proclaim the passing of her royal highness, Princess Fucillo, of the kingdom of San Luis Obispo, Saturday, the sixth of March, two thousand and twenty one. Princess is survived by her not-so-evil step-sisters, Perfect and (probably) Pipsqueak. The story behind the probably is better covered under a different obituary. She will be greatly missed by her adopted humans, Prince Jacob and Prince Nathaniel.
Princess, as her name would imply, was a well-known socialite who preferred to see and be seen. She had impeccable taste, choosing gourmet delicacies from Prince-approved chefs and turning-up her beak at the mealy-worm luncheons of her ladies in waiting. Her style and sophistication were regularly captured by the paparazzi, infatuated with her royal origins. Many articles referenced her likeness to Princess Di, particularly her feathered golden coiffe. Princess was determined to stay grounded, leaving the royal family to put down roots on the central coast.
Princess was not only known for her glamour, but for her charitable heart. She co-founded, with her sister Chicken Sando, the SLO Chapter of Hens Against Domestic Violence, based on her tragic first-hand experiences. Her personal accounts kept her authentic and relatable to millions, despite her independent wealth. Her generosity and philanthropy touched dozens, as she generously donated every ounce of her work to feeding the hungry. Princess looked quite peckish yesterday, moving with unusually slow grace. Given the pandemic and the close living quarters of her royal household, her cause of death is unknown. Corona does mean crown, which would be quite fitting. She was discovered in her favorite nesting bedchamber by her loving brother Prince Nate, who sorrowfully knew she’d taken her final coach to the chicken chateau in the sky.
A celebration of Princess’ life was held at the Poultry Palace with the wife of the good Reverend James presiding. The reverend was out of town, attending to his human flock with Prince Jacob.