The New Math

As I’ve often declared, we are not above toddler bribery.  And so far, it hasn’t failed us.  Why just the other day I was shocked when Jake was enjoying “two treats for trying” and said “Three more, Mama.”  I was stunned, “Whoa!  That was actual math.”  I’m glad Jacob’s first mathematical calculation was determining the number of treats he was missing based on the current market valuation of using the potty.

I remember the days when anytime you asked how many or how much it was always “Two.”  And then it changed to “Seven.”  Now he’s been sprinkling conversations with “A huuuun-dred.”

Last weekend James was working and it was up to me to come up with an exciting and productive excursion for the kiddos.  I decided we should visit “The Hammer Store” a.k.a. Lowe’s.  I had no idea it would be such a wild success.  They had an entire aisle of blow-up Christmas decorations for your lawn, miniature lighted villages and a forest of fake holiday trees.  Not to mention every tool known to Handy Manny.

Nate fell asleep so Jake and I spent a good half hour in the blow-up decorations aisle.  Jakey was completely mesmerized by a blow-up outhouse where Santa opens the door every ten seconds, pops out and waves.  “Santa going potty?  Why?”  My sentiments exactly…

After I let Jakey hold different hammers and screwdrivers and measuring tapes and other familiar tools, we drove our Lowe’s cart across the parking lot to split a chocolate milkshake at In N’ Out Burger and watch the planes take-off and land.  Natesy was still happy to just sit in his car seat and relax.

Inspired by Santa, Jakey actually requested to use the bathroom.  This may be a first.  Unfortunately stage fright got the best of him, but it was notable nonetheless.  As we enjoyed our shake outside, gazing at Norman Mineta International, we had one of our many mealtime conversations.

“So JJ, how old are you?”


“You know.  You’re two.  When someone asks you  how old you are, you say ‘two.’  K.  Let’s try that again… Jakey, how old are you?”

“Forty seven!”

This must be that new math I’ve heard the kids talking about.


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