No It All

There’s a new phrase on the scene, “I did already.”  Its versatility and applicability to almost any parent-produced question is quite remarkable.

Q: Jakey, do you want to use the potty?
A: I did already.

Q: Jacob, let’s go wash hands.
A: I did already.  Mama, I did already.

Q: JJ, brush teeth time.
A: I did already.

If he’s done it before… three weeks ago, maybe once in his life… then “he did already.”

Yesterday was the first time Natesy said something to me.  Some little ooh’s and aah’s.  As Jake would put it, “Baby Nake say?  Baby Nake say?  See him!  See him.”

Hearing Nathaniel’s voice just melts my heart.

Last night James had used our handled wire mesh strainer to drain something while making dinner.  Jakey got one look at it in the bottom of the sink and declared, “Butterflies!  I catch it!”

We took the “butterfly net” outside and he spent at least an hour swinging it around.  We couldn’t find any butterflies, but fortunately the setting sun illuminated lots of little bugs.  In between his jumping, posing, forehand swings and karate-like stances, the butterfly net also makes a great helmet.

Today’s Nate’s 1 month birthday!  He is just the sweetest little baby.  This week he has found his smile.  It is so cute, but too fleeting for me to capture.

In other news, he’s already losing his hair.  Baby pattern baldness.   I’d say Jake’s baldness served him quite well… winning friends and influencing people.

His hair willl be back, in 18 months or so.

When you’re in your thirties, you think you know yourself.  And then you find you live with a two-year-old.

It began with our car.  I went to Jake’s school to pick him up at the end of the day and he fought me like a warrior when it came to getting into his car seat.  Then, in between screams, he pointed to the front passenger seat and sobbed, “Mama, seat down chair!  Seat down chair! Daddy’s car.  Daaaaddy’s caaaaaar…”  So, as I had suspected when I became a Caltrain regular, I’ve lost all rights to a car that was originally “mine.”  Jake did not want me driving Daddy’s car.  It clearly was upsetting the world order for me not to be riding in “my” seat.  And making the highly compelling argument of “Who’s going to drive the car?” had absolutely no discernible effect.  Now I make it a point to chauffeur Daddy around to prove that it’s Mama’s car, too.  There has been a marked improvement.

Then one night I was drinking water out of a glass that I got from a tour at Gordon Biersch.  It has a silhouette of a stout man and the tag line: Never trust a skinny brewer.  I guess I never actually use this glass as it sent Jake into a conniption, “Daddy’s glass!  Daddy’s glass!”  What exactly is mine little Mr. Possession Policeman?

Fortunately, I didn’t have to wait long for my answer.  A few days later, Daddy was drying off with a white towel. “Mama’s towel… Mama’s tooooowel!”  (Really, crying over a towel?)  Apparently, unbeknownst to us, Mommy always uses a white towel and Daddy always uses a dark brown towel.

I wonder what else we haven’t noticed about ourselves?  I’m going to try and build-up my cred in expensive artwork and jewelry… Daddy can have trash cans, diaper pails and laundry.

When asked by his teachers what Baby Nate looks like, Jake replied, “Cute.”

As most people know, we have yet another kid.  No, not as in human child… as in baby goat.  I didn’t think it was possible that we could produce another youngster we would be inclined to call Goat Boy, but, alas, it is true.

When we brought Baby Jakey home, I had read all sorts of things about the newborn sleeping in our room for months before he would graduate to his crib.  I don’t know exactly how long we endured the incessant little goat noises, but I don’t think it was more than three weeks.  My neighbor Karen gave us some of the best advice on parenting we’ve received to date, “Kick him out!”

He moved to his own room and fortunately, the baby monitor was not precise enough to transmit the grunting, baaaing, squeaking and bleating.  We all slept better.

I remember James googling “baby sounds like a goat” and finding numerous parents with the same challenge.  The vast resources of the internet provided no tangible explanations or solutions, but it did bring us solace knowing we were not alone with our barnyard baby.  There are all sorts of parents posting comments and questions about infants that sound like goats, sheep, grizzly bears, dogs, pigs, and even Chewbacca.

So, Baby Nate is our newest little Goat Boy.  James begged me to spend $72 on Amazon yesterday for another “kid” camera that is compatible with our existing set-up.  I’d venture to say little Billy Goat Gruff’s bedside days are numbered…

Last night Jake asked us to read him “Mugger Goose!  Mugger Goose!”

You know… nursery rhymes like Mary Had A Little Habit, Georgie Forgie, The House That Jack Tagged, and Little Ho Peep.  The classics.

When Jake was born, one of the details I remember is the nurse saying that the baby didn’t have any hair.  Little did she know that he had quite a bit of hair… in comparison to the next two years.

He was born with straight brown hair that proceeded to fall out into the style best known for its monkish roots, the “Friar Tuck.”  He was then bald as a cue ball.  And people loved to touch his head.  One time at Whole Foods this man listening to an iPod came up to Jake, rubbed his head, and walked away without a word.  Our little Baby Buddha must bring good luck.

I’m told the bald baby genes come from the Terra side of the family.  Jake’s spherical noggin and current sparse curls are just like his dad’s at the same age.  At 22 months, I gave Jacob his first haircut.  Literally three snips– one over each ear and a bit of bang straightening. Saying he resisted is a bit of an understatement.

Last Friday, just after his second birthday and just in time for his monkey birthday party, he got his first real big boy haircut.  His mod barber chair highchair was ideal for Toni who cuts kids’ hair at your house (www.kidscutsatyourhome.com).  She gave him her squirt bottle which completely negated the need for a special showing of Handy Manny.

He found great joy in squirting me right in the face.

Jake’s Hair: A Photo Montage

Cue Ball

The Friar Tuck

22 Months: First Hair Cut

Curls

2 Years: Squirt Bottle

There was the Dutch Tulip Bubble, the Dot Com Bubble, the Housing Market Bubble.  Potentially not as well recognized, but I think there has definitely been a Starbucks Bubble… quick tangent: James ruined a perfectly good evening for me by announcing that Starbucks is thinking of buying Peet’s.  One of the key attributes of our house is that I can walk to Peet’s… I sure hope this trips some sort of antitrust triggers that kill it quickly and permanently.

OK, back to bubbles.  So, I’m predicting, with little fanfare, the next great bubble to burst.  Remember, you read it here first… www.fucillofamily.com: Known for its cutting-edge journalism and for out-scooping the competition.  So without further ado, the next great bubble to burst will be…

Frozen Yogurt Shops

Whoa!  I know.  Mind-blowing, huh?  Perhaps you have or have not noticed the insane number of fro yo shops popping up everywhere.  They offer the new “plain” frozen yogurt which is slightly tangy and comes with numerous topping options.  It began with places like Pinkberry and Red Mango and has gone completely buck wild.  I’ve also noticed a similar phenomenon in the yogurt isle at Whole Foods.  Several years ago there was just Fage Greek yogurt.  Now there are prime time commercials for some brand called Chobani.  I saw at least 10-15 brands of Greek yogurt just last week.  I think this related yogurt market is right on the heels of tangy frozen treats.

So, get your money out of Tutti Frutti, Orange Leaf, and Yumi Yogurt before it’s too late!  The more fro yo we buy, the stronger the case for a tax payer bail-out of an industry that is beginning to employ too many Americans.