The Pirate Life
Last week Natesy turned a corner. Literally. One minute he was alone in the bathroom, and the next minute I heard him in Jake’s room with his daddy and his big brother.
Nathaniel has never liked being alone. He wants to be where the action’s at. And now he doesn’t have to complain about his station in life. He’s tasted freedom. And he’s not going back.
Now you can find Nate pulling himself around the house, dragging his little legs behind him… a path of destruction in his wake. Last weekend I put him on the floor of the dining room while I did a little catch-up work on the computer. I turned around and he had plundered the paper recycling bag, pillaged the Tupperware drawer and opened a cupboard door to begin rifling through untold baking treasures.
Our new favorite game is for Jakey and me to be in one room and then Jacob to report on Nate’s location and progress. “Mama, Baby Nake is coming!” We scream and giggle as we hear him inching down the hall. Then his little fist comes into view around the door frame. “Mama, I see Baby’ Nake’s hand!” Then Nate peaks his head around the jamb and grins… his big two-toothed smile.
Arrr, there’s me mateys.
Neopolitan
I’m happy to report, with quite a sense of relief I might add, that Jake is not color blind.
It’s been touch and go for almost two years. His father is a graphic communication major who once aced a test where he had to put 98 colors in the correct order… yes, I know, a husband who can easily articulate the difference between cyan and turquoise? Don’t be jealous. And of course I’m a girl so somewhere along the way I was conditioned to learn the fine nuances of color. But, from the age of one to two, when asked what color something was, Jacob only answered “Green!” We were a tad bit worried.
Then, over the course of several months, when asked what flavor ice cream, cupcake, cookie he wanted, he switched from green to “Pink!” He still either orders pink or chocolate. Then one week, not so long ago, he added white and brown to his daily vocab.
“Mama, you’re brown.” Given my pastiness, I was back to thinking maybe he was color blind. Pink, brown and white. I’d expect a little boy to point out blue, red and yellow as his first colors, but we’ll take it.
Finally, over the last few weeks, his color recognition has skyrocketed. “Look Mama. That fire engine is red like your shirt. Mama, that pumpkin is orange. I see a fire hydrant. It’s white!”
We put him to the ultimate test earlier this week. No, it’s not an official color blind test, it’s more of a candy blind test. After dinner he gets to pick one piece of his Halloween candy. Every night he chooses the little pack of M&M’s. “OK, Jakey, now before you eat them, you have to put them in little piles by color.”
Without fail, he sorts them into brown, red, green, blue, orange and yellow. If he grows-up and his clothes don’t match, at least we’ll know it’s just a lack of style.
Doomsdoor
When I was in junior high, my friend Melanie and I babysat at my standard weekly gig and ended up with hand, foot and mouth disease. I swear she’s still kind of mad at me about that… Thank goodness we weren’t in England.
Now that I’m a grown-up, I figured I was safe from all of those childhood diseases, right? Uh uh.
At Nate’s school, every morning, we pass through what I secretly call the “Doors of Doom.” The glass doors leading into the three infant/toddler classrooms are the posting site for “Exposure Notices.” So far, in the last two and a half years, I’ve gotten innumerable colds, impetigo-induced strep throat twice, pink eye and the croup.
This week there was a notice for some unpronounceable rash I’ve never heard of as well as a post that my child “may have been exposed to lice.” Great. Nate isn’t quite the cue ball Jake was– though his hair is still somewhat hard to see if the lighting is bad. I’m hoping this will work to our advantage.
I really, really do not want to add this to my list of the ickiest childhood illnesses I never had till I was a grown-up…
Progress
On Thursday, Nathaniel’s school form came home with the following note: “Nate loves plain banana. I didn’t add cereal. He ate most of it without complaint.”
I’m happy to see he’s become so adventurous. Now his diet consists of:
milk
wooden train tracks
paper towels
tin tea cups
bananas
This weekend we gave him a french fry and foccacia bread and he actually held them in his little chubby fists and ingested them. Now that’s progress.
The New Math
As I’ve often declared, we are not above toddler bribery. And so far, it hasn’t failed us. Why just the other day I was shocked when Jake was enjoying “two treats for trying” and said “Three more, Mama.” I was stunned, “Whoa! That was actual math.” I’m glad Jacob’s first mathematical calculation was determining the number of treats he was missing based on the current market valuation of using the potty.
I remember the days when anytime you asked how many or how much it was always “Two.” And then it changed to “Seven.” Now he’s been sprinkling conversations with “A huuuun-dred.”
Last weekend James was working and it was up to me to come up with an exciting and productive excursion for the kiddos. I decided we should visit “The Hammer Store” a.k.a. Lowe’s. I had no idea it would be such a wild success. They had an entire aisle of blow-up Christmas decorations for your lawn, miniature lighted villages and a forest of fake holiday trees. Not to mention every tool known to Handy Manny.
Nate fell asleep so Jake and I spent a good half hour in the blow-up decorations aisle. Jakey was completely mesmerized by a blow-up outhouse where Santa opens the door every ten seconds, pops out and waves. “Santa going potty? Why?” My sentiments exactly…
After I let Jakey hold different hammers and screwdrivers and measuring tapes and other familiar tools, we drove our Lowe’s cart across the parking lot to split a chocolate milkshake at In N’ Out Burger and watch the planes take-off and land. Natesy was still happy to just sit in his car seat and relax.
Inspired by Santa, Jakey actually requested to use the bathroom. This may be a first. Unfortunately stage fright got the best of him, but it was notable nonetheless. As we enjoyed our shake outside, gazing at Norman Mineta International, we had one of our many mealtime conversations.
“So JJ, how old are you?”
“I’know.”
“You know. You’re two. When someone asks you how old you are, you say ‘two.’ K. Let’s try that again… Jakey, how old are you?”
“Forty seven!”
This must be that new math I’ve heard the kids talking about.
Marchtober
I made the mistake of telling Jakey that his birthday is after Mama’s birthday. James told me that he was pretty sure Jacob thought that meant his birthday was today. Nah…
At dinner tonight he asked when we were holding his party and where the cupcakes were. Oops?
Superman
It’s been about four weeks since Nathaniel started doing the “Superman”… lying on his tummy and lifting his little arms and feet in the air like he’s flying. He knows how to roll multiple times to get where he needs to go, and has clearly mastered the pivot. Then today, I saw him crawl. I’m totally sleep deprived and could hardly believe my bleary eyes, but, it was a real crawl. He also has a new centipede move and does a lot of rocking back and forth on his hands and knees. I’m a bit impressed with his newfound upper body strength. Believe me, that’s a lot of adorable baby chub to get from A to B. Not only is he on the move, but he also woke-up with his very first tooth this morning.
In the endless reaches of the universe, there once existed a planet known as Cryaton, a planet that burned like a green nightlight in the middle of the night. There, civilization was far advanced and it brought forth a race of “super babies,” whose mental and physical powers to avoid sleep and live almost solely on a liquid diet were developed to the absolute peak of human perfection. But there came a day when giant quakes threatened to destroy Cryaton forever. (We did have two yesterday…) One of the planet’s leading sleep trainers, sensing the approach of doom, placed his infant son in a small Baby Einstein and sent it hurtling in the direction of the Couch just as Cryaton exploded. The Baby Einstein sped through toy-studded space, landing safely on Carpet with its precious burden: Cryaton’s sole survivor. A passing toddler found the uninjured child and took its pacifier. As the days went by and the child grew to 7 months, he found himself possessed of amazing physical powers. Faster than a speeding stroller, more powerful than Thomas the Tank Engine, able to leap tall block towers in a single bound. The infant of Cryaton is now the Baby of Steel: Superman.
It’s a bird, it’s a centipede, it’s Baby Nake!
Life Lessons
We just got back from a perfect morning at Happy Hollow. I freakin’ love that place. I really do. We show-up at 10am, ride all the rides before any kids get there, eat our Zanotto’s picnic, visit some animals and then get the heck out of Dodge by 1pm.
Today was a momentous day as Jake is now tall enough to ride all the rides (over 36″). “I got bigger Mama!” I was resting with Natesy in the shade when I heard a loud James whistle, looked up and saw Jake zooming past with his dad on hist very first roller coaster ride. I was so jealous! Luckily I took him on his first ride on the swings. They were just like the county fair swings I used to ride with Sarah only in miniature. We learned our lesson quite some time ago not to go near any rides that are for “big kids” as the disappointment tears are hard to dry. Luckily Nate is still happy to just ride along in his stroller and yell out when the spirit moves him.
I’ve decided Happy Hollow is also an excellent microcosm for key life lessons:
1) Patience: It’s amazing the stamina a 2-year-old can exhibit while waiting in the hot, hot sun to ride Danny the Dragon. I think we watched him go around three times once before it was our turn. If you can demonstrate that level of patience then you can wait 5 minutes at 5am before I must spring from the bed to get your morning milk.
2) Cheerfullness: They don’t call it Grumpy Hollow now do they? This is an important reminder should one not leave the premises with a smile on one’s face.
3) Thriftiness: Sometimes chasing squirrels is the most fun thing you can possibly do. And it’s completely free.
4) Bravery: Jacob will go on the tallest, darkest tube slides without fear. He’s become quite brave now that he’s over 3 feet.
5) Decision-making: And last but not least, don’t ever let someone tattoo your hands or your wrists unless you aspire to be a Target cashier or a kiddie ride operator. Do you want to listen to “Banana Phone” over and over for an 8 hour shift? I didn’t think so.
2025
This past week I had an impromptu parent/teacher conference at Baby Nate’s school. Teacher Noemi had filled-in a one page sheet telling me what he can do and what he’s currently “working on.”
It seems as though he’s meeting all his developmental milestones with flying colors. His current areas for improvement are learning to crawl and “eating for pleasure and with appetite.”
I haven’t met a single person in my entire family that has ever been described as having trouble eating for pleasure. I am looking forward to the future me coming back and reading this post when Nate is 13 and is microwaving himself an entire frozen pizza both before and after consuming dinner.
Oh Nate. I feel so poor. Eating us out of house and home you are. Remember the days when you didn’t like eating? Oh those were the days.
Maroon 2.5
I can’t remember exactly how long it’s been since Jake started singing… recognizable songs that is. It must have been eight months ago or longer when I heard him singing to himself and the only part I could make out was “Yesth, sir, yesth, sir,” sung with great gravitas. All the words to Baa, Baa Black Sheep are now crystal clear, except the wool is earmarked “to” the master, the dame and the little boy instead of “for.”
My favorite thing is that all sheep are now “baa, baa black sheep.” Every star is a “twinkle, twinkle little star.” And many a breakfast treat has been dubbed a “muffin man.” He’s even reached that all important milestone of singing the entire ABC’s, including a confident rendition of LMNOP.
Jacob’s usual go-to tunes include Old MacDonald, Happy Birthday to Jacob, and most recently, Slippery Fish. This past week we were in the midst of our usual morning routine and Jake was singing a little tune.
“Hey Jacob. What other songs do you know?” Daddy asks.
“And if I share my secret, you’re gonna have to keep it. Hey, hey, hey heeeeeeeeeeeey!”
It’s like Christina Aguilera is right there in our very bathroom.
Apparently he corrected James’ version of this Maroon 5 song yesterday during a diaper change, “No Daddy. Take control. Take control.”
I’m going to have to add some G-rated songs to our repertoire.