wild*life

As I’ve often declared, we are not above toddler bribery.  And so far, it hasn’t failed us.  Why just the other day I was shocked when Jake was enjoying “two treats for trying” and said “Three more, Mama.”  I was stunned, “Whoa!  That was actual math.”  I’m glad Jacob’s first mathematical calculation was determining the number of treats he was missing based on the current market valuation of using the potty.

I remember the days when anytime you asked how many or how much it was always “Two.”  And then it changed to “Seven.”  Now he’s been sprinkling conversations with “A huuuun-dred.”

Last weekend James was working and it was up to me to come up with an exciting and productive excursion for the kiddos.  I decided we should visit “The Hammer Store” a.k.a. Lowe’s.  I had no idea it would be such a wild success.  They had an entire aisle of blow-up Christmas decorations for your lawn, miniature lighted villages and a forest of fake holiday trees.  Not to mention every tool known to Handy Manny.

Nate fell asleep so Jake and I spent a good half hour in the blow-up decorations aisle.  Jakey was completely mesmerized by a blow-up outhouse where Santa opens the door every ten seconds, pops out and waves.  “Santa going potty?  Why?”  My sentiments exactly…

After I let Jakey hold different hammers and screwdrivers and measuring tapes and other familiar tools, we drove our Lowe’s cart across the parking lot to split a chocolate milkshake at In N’ Out Burger and watch the planes take-off and land.  Natesy was still happy to just sit in his car seat and relax.

Inspired by Santa, Jakey actually requested to use the bathroom.  This may be a first.  Unfortunately stage fright got the best of him, but it was notable nonetheless.  As we enjoyed our shake outside, gazing at Norman Mineta International, we had one of our many mealtime conversations.

“So JJ, how old are you?”

“I’know.”

“You know.  You’re two.  When someone asks you  how old you are, you say ‘two.’  K.  Let’s try that again… Jakey, how old are you?”

“Forty seven!”

This must be that new math I’ve heard the kids talking about.

I made the mistake of telling Jakey that his birthday is after Mama’s birthday.  James told me that he was pretty sure Jacob thought that meant his birthday was today.  Nah…

At dinner tonight he asked when we were holding his party and where the cupcakes were.  Oops?

It’s been about four weeks since Nathaniel started doing the “Superman”… lying on his tummy and lifting his little arms and feet in the air like he’s flying.  He knows how to roll multiple times to get where he needs to go, and has clearly mastered the pivot.  Then today, I saw him crawl.  I’m totally sleep deprived and could hardly believe my bleary eyes, but, it was a real crawl.  He also has a new centipede move and does a lot of rocking back and forth on his hands and knees.  I’m a bit impressed with his newfound upper body strength.  Believe me, that’s a lot of adorable baby chub to get from A to B.  Not only is he on the move, but he also woke-up with his very first tooth this morning.

In the endless reaches of the universe, there once existed a planet known as Cryaton, a planet that burned like a green nightlight in the middle of the night.  There, civilization was far advanced and it brought forth a race of “super babies,” whose mental and physical powers to avoid sleep and live almost solely on a liquid diet were developed to the absolute peak of human perfection.  But there came a day when giant quakes threatened to destroy Cryaton forever.  (We did have two yesterday…) One of the planet’s leading sleep trainers, sensing the approach of doom, placed his infant son in a small Baby Einstein and sent it hurtling in the direction of the Couch just as Cryaton exploded.  The Baby Einstein sped through toy-studded space, landing safely on Carpet with its precious burden: Cryaton’s sole survivor.  A passing toddler found the uninjured child and took its pacifier.  As the days went by and the child grew to 7 months, he found himself possessed of amazing physical powers.  Faster than a speeding stroller, more powerful than Thomas the Tank Engine, able to leap tall block towers in a single bound.  The infant of Cryaton is now the Baby of Steel: Superman.

It’s a bird, it’s a centipede, it’s Baby Nake!

We just got back from a perfect morning at Happy Hollow.  I freakin’ love that place.  I really do.  We show-up at 10am, ride all the rides before any kids get there, eat our Zanotto’s picnic, visit some animals and then get the heck out of Dodge by 1pm.

Today was a momentous day as Jake is now tall enough to ride all the rides (over 36″).  “I got bigger Mama!”  I was resting with Natesy in the shade when I heard a loud James whistle, looked up and saw Jake zooming past with his dad on hist very first roller coaster ride.  I was so jealous!  Luckily I took him on his first ride on the swings.  They were just like the county fair swings I used to ride with Sarah only in miniature.  We learned our lesson quite some time ago not to go near any rides that are for “big kids” as the disappointment tears are hard to dry.  Luckily Nate is still happy to just ride along in his stroller and yell out when the spirit moves him.

I’ve decided Happy Hollow is also an excellent microcosm for key life lessons:

1) Patience: It’s amazing the stamina a 2-year-old can exhibit while waiting in the hot, hot sun to ride Danny the Dragon.  I think we watched him go around three times once before it was our turn.  If you can demonstrate that level of patience then you can wait 5 minutes at 5am before I must spring from the bed to get your morning milk.

2) Cheerfullness: They don’t call it Grumpy Hollow now do they?  This is an important reminder should one not leave the premises with a smile on one’s face.

3) Thriftiness: Sometimes chasing squirrels is the most fun thing you can possibly do.  And it’s completely free.

4) Bravery:  Jacob will go on the tallest, darkest tube slides without fear.  He’s become quite brave now that he’s over 3 feet. 

5) Decision-making: And last but not least, don’t ever let someone tattoo your hands or your wrists unless you aspire to be a Target cashier or a kiddie ride operator.  Do you want to listen to “Banana Phone” over and over for an 8 hour shift?  I didn’t think so.

This past week I had an impromptu parent/teacher conference at Baby Nate’s school.  Teacher Noemi had filled-in a one page sheet telling me what he can do and what he’s currently “working on.”

It seems as though he’s meeting all his developmental milestones with flying colors.  His current areas for improvement are learning to crawl and “eating for pleasure and with appetite.”

I haven’t met a single person in my entire family that has ever been described as having trouble eating for pleasure.  I am looking forward to the future me coming back and reading this post when Nate is 13 and is microwaving himself an entire frozen pizza both before and after consuming dinner.

Oh Nate.  I feel so poor.  Eating us out of house and home you are.  Remember the days when you didn’t like eating?  Oh those were the days.

I can’t remember exactly how long it’s been since Jake started singing… recognizable songs that is.  It must have been eight months ago or longer when I heard him singing to himself and the only part I could make out was “Yesth, sir, yesth, sir,” sung with great gravitas.  All the words to Baa, Baa Black Sheep are now crystal clear, except the wool is earmarked “to” the master, the dame and the little boy instead of “for.”

My favorite thing is that all sheep are now “baa, baa black sheep.”  Every star is a “twinkle, twinkle little star.”  And many a breakfast treat has been dubbed a “muffin man.”  He’s even reached that all important milestone of singing the entire ABC’s, including a confident rendition of LMNOP.

Jacob’s usual go-to tunes include Old MacDonald, Happy Birthday to Jacob, and most recently, Slippery Fish.  This past week we were in the midst of our usual morning routine and Jake was singing a little tune.

“Hey Jacob.  What other songs do you know?” Daddy asks.

“And if I share my secret, you’re gonna have to keep it.  Hey, hey, hey heeeeeeeeeeeey!”

It’s like Christina Aguilera is right there in our very bathroom.

Apparently he corrected James’ version of this Maroon 5 song yesterday during a diaper change, “No Daddy.  Take control.  Take control.”

I’m going to have to add some G-rated songs to our repertoire. 

Two Sundays ago, Daddy brought Jakey and Natesy to Mommy’s soccer game for the first time.  It’s been quite awhile since she had any fans.

Jacob cheered me on yelling, “Mama Power!” from the bleachers.

Clearly this is the best cheer of all time.

We read a lot of books.  Or maybe more accurately, we read a handful of books, alot.  I’m thinking of starting a little blog book critique in all of my spare time.  Stay tuned for that.

The other night Jakey brought me a book.  “Read this book Mama.  This book no make you sick.  This book no make you sick, Mama,” he says shaking his head.

I guess maybe I shouldn’t have said how sick and tired I am of reading Hop on Pop.

Jacob, feel my forehead.  Does it feel hot to you?

Today was a momentous day for JJ.  Ten treats.  Enough said.

It will be two weeks ago this Wednesday.  We were at a standstill on 280 at 7:30am.  I had stayed up late and gotten up early to ensure I would make an 8:00am meeting at work.  I was spacing out… hypnotized by red brake lights as far as the eye could see.  Carpool lane: useless.  And then I heard it from the backseat.

Am I hallucinating?  Is it just sleep deprivation?  Work stress?  Are the voices in my head getting louder?  There it is again… “Ma ma.  Ma ma.”

Woo hoo!