wild*life

Two weeks ago…

One little monkey playing on the bed,

He fell off and bumped his head.

Daddy called Mommy in a tearful voice and Mommy said,

No baby monkeys playing on the bed!

I’ll take “Baby Milestones” for 400.

Answer: 9 months.

“When does the connection start between men and their remote controls?”

Today is Jakey’s 9 month birthday.  And tonight we watched him creep along the ottoman, 4 or 5 steps, to get to the remote control.  He then managed to change the channel from a riveting episode of House Hunters International to Jeopardy.

I thought I read something about walking at 13 months in one of those questionable parenting magazines?  That’s still 4 months from now.  Almost half Jake’s current age.  I still have 4 months before I have to chase around a toddler, right?  Right?  Hello, Alex?

Last week Teacher Linda C. says, “JJ is making a sound all day like Donald Duck.”

Wow, I can’t believe you think that sounds like a duck?  Yes, that’s his duck quack.  He learned it from his granddad.  Or maybe the stuffed duck at his grandparents house that yells AfLaC!!  His new favorite snack?  Rubber duck.

HIGH:

Teacher Noemi: Jaimie, how old are you?

Jaimie: 32.

Teacher Noemi: Wow, I was going to guess 22.

Jaimie: Forget Teacher Linda C., you’re now my favorite teacher.

LOW: I’m on the train with Jakey in the front pack.  He immediately falls asleep.  Something smells horrible.  Great, am I now on a jam-packed baby bullet train strapped to a poopy diaper and absolutely no where to change it?  A guy gets on the train and says into his cell phone, “Ewww, it smells like Chloe’s diaper on this train.”  I would like to disappear.  Jake continues to sleep, completely oblivious to any embarrassment.  We get to school and I immediately send Jake to the changing station.  He is unequivocally absolved of guilt.  So who was responsible for that train ride?!  I was relieved that I wasn’t actually responsible.  James pointed out that it doesn’t matter… everyone thought it was the girl with the baby anyway… great.

HIGH:

After a solid week of nightly sleep training, Jacob slept from 8 to 5.  One night.  It’s a small victory.

LOW:

We’re all sick with a cold.  James -> Jake -> Jaimie…

HIGH:

Wednesday, December 2nd.  After months of DA-DAAAA!  DA DA!  Jacob says MA MA.  He doesn’t say it in his gleeful DA DA way… more like when he’s kind of crying.  But it’s definitely MA MA.  Just before his 9-month birthday. 

LOW:

I’m not loving work.

HIGH:

The 100 page P.F. Chang’s paper is done.  I am officially a Master of Administering Business.  If only I had some interesting business to administer….  3 years and I finally get my life back!  What am I going to do with myself?

Ten minutes with Google and I’ve uncovered a whole new world on Chinese face reading.  I think maybe Alesia and I should investigate this as I know she has fortune-telling transactional experience.  Is it frowned upon to take your baby’s ear lobes to a psychic?

Face Reading: What Your Ears Say About Your Early Years (Should you be interested in reading your ears… I have uncovered a simple and informative article for you…)

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/30759/face_reading_what_your_ears_say_about_pg2_pg2.html?cat=34

Jacob’s first official Chinese ear reading done by his mommy via Google internet research:

* Big earlobe:  The Buddha had very big and long earlobes. (he was also bald)  So if you have big and long earlobes, it’s extremely good luck.  Everything comes very easily to you, (like eating, tongue clacking, clapping) and you know how to enjoy life.  If you run into trouble, there’s always a person there to lend you a helping hand. (or pick you up when you’re standing in your crib in the middle of the night)

* The ear is as high or higher than the eyebrows:  This means you are pure of thought with a high intellect, thus you will be steered toward the area of the arts or research.  It also means that you will not be destitute at any time in your life. (so you won’t be moving back in once you’re a grown-up!)  You might not be a millionaire because you don’t follow the business track, but you won’t be poor. (follow your heart)

* Big and rounded ear tops:  You are exceptionally smart, though not in the traditional, grade-point average way.  Understanding things comes easily, but you don’t apply your intellect to just everything.  You will engage your smarts only in the things that interest you.  Children with these ears should be encouraged to find their own niche, and they will excel at that. (no, master at flirting with female strangers on the train is not a niche…)

Today I took Jake to school in the outfit he wore to Emily and Shaun’s wedding… but a more dressed-down “school worthy” version (jeans rather than matching pants with suspenders).  This is definitely the outfit Jakey wears to get girls.  Teacher Linda C. was head over heels.  She quickly got out her camera and tried to snap a picture of Jake while pushing the other little kids out of the way.  Honestly it was like a baby mob of paparazzi with Jake striking poses.

Teacher Linda C. is either an expert at making me think Jacob is her favorite, or she is very bad at concealing her favoritism…  Previously she told me that Jake has a very promising future.  She can tell by his ear lobes.  This may be hard to believe but multiple people have told me this after inspecting this child’s ears.  Remind me to Google Chinese fortunes based on ears…

So I arrive to pick Jake up this afternoon and Teacher Linda C. is telling me that she is sure this boy is going to be very, very successful.  (He really has her wrapped around his little finger.)  I’m thinking she’s going to tell me about his ears again, but no.  Teacher Linda C. has been reading Jacob’s palm.  (It’s easier to read when he’s sleeping FYI).

He has 3 lines which apparently means serious success is in his future.  I do not have these lines (which obviously explains why I’m just an individual contributor at the first biotech company…)  “He could be President.  Or a Congressman.  You make sure to call me when he is very successful!”  I promised that I will be sure Jacob mentions the impact of his first and favorite teacher, Teacher Linda C., when delivering his inaugural speech.  She assured me, there are no other children in this classroom with such promising palms.

Jacob and his “extra lucky” earlobes & palms.

Unicorns, dragons, & yetis…  all legendary, mythological creatures.  Just last week James told me about a new legendary creature: The Standing Jacob. 

 “Suppooooosedly” this creature, who has just learned to crawl in a coordinated fashion, stood up not once, not twice, but three times on Sunday the 8th (6 whole days before his 8-month birthday).  While I was at P.F. Chang’s “researching” my final MBA group project, The Standing Jacob apparently stood up by the couch and then knocked his little mythological noggin.  He had a very real looking bump as “proof.”

So I’ve been camped out for the last week hoping to get a glimpse of this rare, folkloric creature.  Of course, like most of those whackos with their Bigfoot sightings and Loch Ness Monster run-ins, I didn’t get a clear picture.  It was dark, I had wet hair in my face…   But I saw it with my own eyes.  Imagine a side profile of a blurry, monkey-like creature holding on to the ottoman, staring with his shiny eyes directly at the camera…  and then in a flash, as quickly as I saw him, he blended back into the dark, crowded toy forest of the livingroom…

JJ has been doing yoga since he was in the womb.  Although I remember his favorite pose (or maybe his mommy’s favorite pose) was shavasana (basically taking a nap) and then waking up for Hershey’s kisses…

Lately Baby Jake has perfected a couple of new tricks.  This isn’t the best picture, but he has definitely been doing Downward Dog:

Yesterday was the first time I saw him go from the cat-cow, aka feline-bovine pose, straight to sitting up… without looking inebriated!

And last night his daddy picked him up by his arms and he “walked” toward me.  But the best thing of all– today I went to pick Jake up at school.  He was on the floor on the other side of the room and I was busy sitting down and looking at his “My Day Form” which documents his every input and output on a daily basis…  Jakey crawled the whole way across the room to get to me.  And then he looked up at me and flashed those two little tic-tacs.  My little yogi is so big!

My guilty pleasure is America’s Next Top Model (ANTM).  Tyra Banks gets more and more ridiculous every “cycle”, but James and I love singing to the new music at the end…. “top moooodel, top mooooodel.”  It’s one of those songs you sing in your head all night long.

This season they’re trying to pick a petite model– 5’8″ or less.  Jake has obviously been taking notes.  As you can see– he has smiling with his eyes– “smizing” down like a pro.  And don’t you agree– his giraffe “look” makes him exceedingly long and lean.  He looks at least 1 lb. lighter and significantly taller.  America’s Next Top Giraffe Model?  I think so.

Wanted: Baby Reprogrammer

SDM (Sleep Deprived Mommy) seeks CBP (Ceritified Baby Reprogrammer) for coding, patch installation, and general maintenance of 4am WCS (Wake-up Call Service) in adjacent room.  Guaranteed work twice per year during Daylight Saving Time.  Operating system unknown; potentially Windows as is prone to crashing.  Money is no object.