Unicorns, Dragons, & Yetis…
Unicorns, dragons, & yetis… all legendary, mythological creatures. Just last week James told me about a new legendary creature: The Standing Jacob.
“Suppooooosedly” this creature, who has just learned to crawl in a coordinated fashion, stood up not once, not twice, but three times on Sunday the 8th (6 whole days before his 8-month birthday). While I was at P.F. Chang’s “researching” my final MBA group project, The Standing Jacob apparently stood up by the couch and then knocked his little mythological noggin. He had a very real looking bump as “proof.”
So I’ve been camped out for the last week hoping to get a glimpse of this rare, folkloric creature. Of course, like most of those whackos with their Bigfoot sightings and Loch Ness Monster run-ins, I didn’t get a clear picture. It was dark, I had wet hair in my face… But I saw it with my own eyes. Imagine a side profile of a blurry, monkey-like creature holding on to the ottoman, staring with his shiny eyes directly at the camera… and then in a flash, as quickly as I saw him, he blended back into the dark, crowded toy forest of the livingroom…
Downward Dog
JJ has been doing yoga since he was in the womb. Although I remember his favorite pose (or maybe his mommy’s favorite pose) was shavasana (basically taking a nap) and then waking up for Hershey’s kisses…
Lately Baby Jake has perfected a couple of new tricks. This isn’t the best picture, but he has definitely been doing Downward Dog:
Yesterday was the first time I saw him go from the cat-cow, aka feline-bovine pose, straight to sitting up… without looking inebriated!
And last night his daddy picked him up by his arms and he “walked” toward me. But the best thing of all– today I went to pick Jake up at school. He was on the floor on the other side of the room and I was busy sitting down and looking at his “My Day Form” which documents his every input and output on a daily basis… Jakey crawled the whole way across the room to get to me. And then he looked up at me and flashed those two little tic-tacs. My little yogi is so big!
ANTGM
My guilty pleasure is America’s Next Top Model (ANTM). Tyra Banks gets more and more ridiculous every “cycle”, but James and I love singing to the new music at the end…. “top moooodel, top mooooodel.” It’s one of those songs you sing in your head all night long.
This season they’re trying to pick a petite model– 5’8″ or less. Jake has obviously been taking notes. As you can see– he has smiling with his eyes– “smizing” down like a pro. And don’t you agree– his giraffe “look” makes him exceedingly long and lean. He looks at least 1 lb. lighter and significantly taller. America’s Next Top Giraffe Model? I think so.
Wanted: Baby Reprogrammer
Wanted: Baby Reprogrammer
SDM (Sleep Deprived Mommy) seeks CBP (Ceritified Baby Reprogrammer) for coding, patch installation, and general maintenance of 4am WCS (Wake-up Call Service) in adjacent room. Guaranteed work twice per year during Daylight Saving Time. Operating system unknown; potentially Windows as is prone to crashing. Money is no object.
What do giraffe’s eat?
Candy! No silly. Baby giraffes (also known as calves) eat acacia trees. Yes, I had to google what giraffes eat as well as what their babies are called, after we were already in our costumes.
Look how Jakey won’t take his eyes off that Almond Joy.
I’m a true CCCC.
CCCC – Chocolate Chip Cookie Connoisseur.
As some of you may know, I’ve always been a fan of chocolate chip cookie.
Just about any mall, restaurant, coffee shop, or cafe that sells cookies can count me as one of their clients. Some are obviously better than others. Starbucks cookies – Not Great…really all their baked goods could use some help, but that’s a different discussion. Peet’s cookies – Not bad. If I’m in need of a coffee, more often then not it’ll be accompanied by a delicious peet’s cookie.
Lately though, by far my favorite has been Specialty’s. For those who don’t know, Specialty’s Cafe is a restaurant that started in San Francisco and they cater mostly to lunch time crowds around businesses. They’ve had a location near Jaimie’s office in South San Francisco for quite a while. But when they opened one in Santa Clara my appreciation of their cookies became a true addiction. How can you not appreciate a cafe that will send you “warm cookie alerts” via text & twitter. Seriously…I’m not joking…around 3Pm, right when you have that afternoon slow down…PING…cookies are fresh out of the oven at our Bower’s location. Freakin Genius.
My love affair was tested recently when I grabbed lunch the other day with Jaimie at Flower-Flour in Willow Glen. I’ve driven by this little cafe for years and always thought it was cute, but never had the opportunity to stop in for lunch. It’s a little tough to say to your buddy “Hey dude, wanta grab lunch at a Patisserie slash Flower Shop?” “Maybe after we can get a Mani/Pedi” I don’t think so.
So it was a perfect treat for Jaimie, on one of her few days off, to stop in and give it a try. We had a great lunch and were just about ready to leave, when on a whim I purchased a chocolate chip cookie for later that evening. Wholly Smokes!!!
I didn’t think it was possible. Kind of like that annoying food critic in Ratatouille; Was it possible for me to be caught off guard by a deliciously unexpected treat? Apparently so!
This cookie was amazing. So much so, that a few days later I found myself banging on the front door of the shop with my mouth watering only to find out they were closed on Mondays.
Freakin’ cookies….maybe I should just go to the gym.
WWF
Question:
WWFD: What Would Foochi Do?
Answer:
WWF: World Wrestling Federation.
I’m not really sure what his stage name and costume would look like… Maybe a rabid squirrel with a cape? (Obviously given those cheeks and that drool.) But, I do know what his signature moves would be (written from Baby Jacob’s viewpoint):
1. Chest hair yank: This has been known to make a grown man curl up into the fetal position. Ha ha ha! (Uncle Geoffrey’s evil laugh.)
2. Chops busting: This involves getting up on all fours and rocking back and forth until I’ve built up enough momentum to BAM! Lunge forward and bust your chops with my highly complimented, perfect bald head.
3. Hair pull: Similar to move #1 except that it involves a greater intensity and determination. Take a fistful of hair and make them pry my chubby little fingers from each strand.
4. The pretend kiss: Lure the big people in by making them think I’m going to give them a sweet, smiling kiss. Grab both cheeks and pull forward. Aim for the nose and bite with my two mini tick-tack teeth. Daddy really can’t blame me for this move since he’s the one who made me think of it… by pretending to eat my nose. I just took the move to a new level by introducing the element of biting… This one can also be integrated with move #3 for a dramatic combo move. Yes, I’m creative like that.
5. Kicking below the belt buckle: I do what it takes to win. Even if that means fighting dirty. I admit it. I kick below the belt buckle. But I mean geez, the other guy in my division outweighs me by 200 lbs!
6. Yelling, growling & tongue clicking: This isn’t so much a move as a scare tactic. I find yelling BAH BAH BABA or Da Da or growling or clicking my tongue are highly effective. They always seem to throw-off my opponent’s concentration so I can pull the next move…
7. The fish hook: Put my tasty little baby fingers in the big people’s mouth and then grab the side to execute the perfect…. fish hook. Extra powerful when implemented with the clavos. You know the clavos.
These are my favorite WWF moves. I practice them almost every morning, with extra long matches on weekends. After first practicing my moves on a couple of Pottery Barn catalogs, I took on the Devious Daddy. He screamed like a little girl for Mommy to come save him. I am the undefeated reigning champion!!
The smell of trouble?…. Rosemary.
We all have meltdowns on occasion. Preferably, we stagger them so that someone maintains a certain level of rational thinking and emotional stability. But really, who has time for strategic meltdown scheduling?
So, a couple of days ago we noticed Jakey’s first tooth: lower front right– I should have asked Dr. Castro what number that is yesterday during my cleaning. Tangent: This just in. Google is amazing. But of course everyone already knows this. I mean really, what did people do before they had a choice of 312,000 images when searching for “baby tooth chart?”
This may be one of the reasons that he still wakes up in the middle of the night crying. (On weeknights mind you. On Friday nights he sleeps like an angel.) The existence of his first lower central right incisor OR nightmares? Charles perceptively pointed out that our distraction game, fondly called “Space Spider,” (where your hand becomes a spider from outer space that starts out far away and then comes closer and closer till it attacks Jakey’s face) might not be contributing to peaceful, tranquil dreams. He may have a point. Hopefully CPS is not trolling the blogosphere in search of bad parents implementing CIO with flourescent orange hunting earplugs while their baby thrashes about, tormented by Space Spiders.
Anyway so we have our first tooth sighting. Plus, as of tonight, Jake is officially crawling multiple feet…. backwards. He reportedly stole someone else’s Cheerios at school. He rebels by rolling over…. while nursing. He clearly says baba. And when the stress of his mommy’s last MBA class, her every-other-day job interviews, the new house remodel, and the logistics of moving send Baby Jacob over the edge…. he turns to nature for inner peace.
How do I know when such a troublesome evening has occurred while I’ve been at class? What IS the smell of trouble? In one word: Rosemary.
I know when it has been a rough night because I come home from class to find my sweet baby boy smells like rosemary. Reeks of it really. His grantmother taught him to pick leaves at Flatrock. Thank goodness because picking rosemary seems to be a magical baby meltdown cure. We really should invite our neighbors, the Grumplemooses, over to pick rosemary anytime Baby Brinn is feeling fussy.
Unfortunately picking rosemary does not seem to help Daddy meltdowns due to baby meltdowns. Even though Jacob said dadadadadaDADA about a gazillion times (and for the first time) yesterday, his Dada has been known to hold a grudge well into the next morning. We’re moving this Saturday. Jacob better start picking rosemary now…. ’cause I may need to roll in it.
Goodnight old lady whispering “hush”?!
It’s official. We are on the verge of a veritable coupe in children’s literature, mark my words. For over 60 years we have been told that “we LOOOOooooOOOOVE Goodnight Moon.” Apparently, we do not.
Over the course of two days I overheard the following:
Jakey’s Dad: This book is dumb. And a little toyhouse, And a young mouse. Goodnight mush? Goodnight old lady whispering “hush”? What?
(I’m pretty sure “toy house” should be two words and what’s with the “young” mouse? What’s also weird about this is that the picture of the old lady is actually a rabbit knitting, not an old lady. The rabbits wear nightgowns and use furniture like people but the kittens and the mouse are normal animals that just sit on the floor. Don’t even get me started on animals in people’s clothing, especially with human hands… creeeeepy.)
Jakey’s Grantmother: There were no books. We had to read that dumb Goodnight Moon.
And on Sunday night’s new Desperate Housewives Lynette Scavo laments on having to read that stupid Goodnight Moon book.
Now I know why I don’t ever remember reading this book as a child. But somehow the distributors of this weird little tome (HarperFestival, A Division of HarperCollins Publishers) have convinced us all that this is our favorite book. They’ve even printed “Everyone’s favorite bedtime book” on the back cover. Who exactly is everyone?? Apparently there is no government agency monitoring the claims being printed on kiddie books. We somehow own 4 copies of this book. We will be giving these out to trick-or-treaters along with Pat the Bunny.
So in the spirit of always offering a solution when pointing out a problem, I am in the process of writing a new version of Goodnight Moon for Baby Jacob.
Here’s what I have so far:
Goodnight sleep dress, Goodnight living room toy mess.
Goodnight Baby Einstein, Goodnight Senator Feinstein.
Goodnight nuk nuk, Goodnight dumb Goodnight Moon book.
Jacob in his sleep dress.
Bathroom Update
Progress on the bathroom is moving along nicely. Demolition came and went…we’ll save you the gory details. Needless to say, of all my summers spent working with concrete I’ve never hated Portland Cement so much in my life.
Walls were insulated, drywall was hung, texture and paint went up. Now Tile! Jaimie and I spent a fair amount of time deciding on the “right tile” for the house. We knew we wanted subway tile but do we go with a machine made perfect tile, or a handmade mexican tile with various shades of color. In the end our new spanish house spoke to us, (Probably in spanish) and helped lead the way. We think it looks great. More pictures to come.
