wild*life

Here we go with the top hits of the nation this week on Jakey’s Top 40, the best-selling and most-played songs from San Jose to South San Francisco, from Canada to Mexico.

This is Jakey Jakesmom in Mommywood, California.  In the next three minutes, we’ll count down the 5 most popular hits in the livingroom this week, hot off the record charts of I’mBored magazine for the week ending February 7, 2010.  In this hour, a song that’s been a hit 4 different times in the last 10 months.  This week’s #5 in the countdown comes to you from Mommy and Daddy’s room… Banana Pancakes:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dC-KeoegcHg

We’re back.  This is Jakey’s Top 40.  I’m Jakey Jakesmom.  And we’re just one tune away from the singer with the $20,000 gold hubcaps on his car.  Now, on with the countdown!

Coming in at #4 is a song that is sweeping the nation.  It’s popularity when putting on clothes, washing faces, and roller skating, is undeniable.  Here is The Jakey Pokey, sung by the Big D:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4E5F2iDg0FU

Next up on our countdown, at #3, is a song not usually thought of as popular with the toddling crowd.  However this song is rocketing up the charts in preschools, playgrounds, and Gymboree classes across the nation.  Sung by the infamous Cheezy Momz, Sock Monkey (That Funky Monkey):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BJEyCn6Ozlg

I’m Jakey Jakesmom.  This next song was this week’s most requested tune in the kitchen, the stroller, and the Canary Islands.  Lead vocals by the one and only EmoEm, here is Do Do a Dollop of Jakey:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7SW5aOX2_I

We’re finally up to the song you’ve all been waiting for.  This week’s #1 song has been at the top of both the Breakfast and Snack Time charts.  For the second week in a row, here is Milk & Cereal by M Love & Special Sauce:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJwlN6Rai2U

And that wraps-up this week’s Jakey Top 40 Countdown.  I’m Jakey Jakesmom.  Join us next week for the greatest hits of 2010.  Till then, keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars.

I’ve been meaning to keep a little running Airplane Report Card for Baby Jake.  I’m thinking of it kind of like a batting average.  I confess, I’ve never really understood how batting averages are calculated and why they have to be down to the thousands digit (.215?!!), and I’m sure if I cared, James could tell me…  anyway, here is Jake’s quick and dirty Airplane Scorecard (to be amended as appropriate):

Three categories: Angel Baby, Devil Baby, Limbo (this is where you go if you don’t go to heaven or hell, right?)  Again, James is my go to “expert” on all things biblical.

Flatrock (07/01-07/07/09):     Angel Baby: 3, Devil Baby: 1

Disneyland (01/05-01/08/10): Angel Baby: 1, Limbo: 1 (After the first leg of this trip I thought his average was going to skyrocket up but alas… the flight home created the new “Limbo” category.)

ABA (Airplane Batting Average): To Be Calculated

OK, now I know Dr. Nancy would not approve of this.  And it goes against all modern day wisdom: Looking up medical ailments on the internet is the worst thing to do.  There’s really nothing freakier, is there?

So when I picked Jake up from an overnight at his grandparents a few weeks back and he had a horrific looking rash around his mouth, I went straight to Dr. Google.  A couple of clicks and I had diagnosed it.

James: When is Jakey’s infantigo going to get better?

Jaimie: Infant-tigo?

The good news, my internet diagnosis was accurate, Dr. Nancy was able to confirm with an iPhone picture, some over the counter antibacterial cream, and Jakey’s impetigo is cured.

Fast forward one week.  My throat is killing me for three days.  It’s so bad I can’t sleep and don’t want to talk.  I know something is definitely wrong when I don’t want to talk.  Finally on a Tuesday night after work I take Jacob home and then drive back up to Mountain View hoping that Dr. Jung in urgent care won’t send me home with a case of some kind of viral illness where there is nothing you can do but chicken soup and rest.  Before I went to urgent care… back to Dr. Google.

Unfortunately I could find no real evidence of a link between impetigo and strep throat– except that they can both be caused by the strep bacteria.

I’m on my way to urgent care in the car.  Maybe my throat doesn’t hurt as bad as before?  Besides a headache I haven’t had a stuffy nose or anything.  Hmmm, is my nose running a little?  Why when you’re on the way to the doctor do you think maybe it’s just all in your head?

I fail the quick strep test.  But fortunately Dr. Jung still writes me a prescription for antibiotics.  I kid you not, after one pill, I was a new person.  I woke up in the middle of the night and was sure I had been cured.  I remember this exact same scenario my freshman year in college… the other time I had strep throat.

So Dr. Jung called me yesterday and said yes, my culture had come back as positive for strep.  Dr. Google, I knew it!  Note for internet researchers: Yes, you can get strep throat from your baby’s infantigo, I mean impetigo…

Our life is changing…. again.  It’s clear that our previously oblivious, spacey child is starting to become accutely aware of his surroundings.  Last Tuesday we were playing on the floor and Jake got ahold of my iPhone.  He turned around and I kid you not, pointed it at the TV and pounded the front.  When nothing happened he dropped his arm, took a hard look at it, and then raised it back up at the TV.  Note to self: Jakey is 10 months, 2 weeks old.  (No I don’t have this memorized… BabyCenter.com tracks the age of my child so that I can always cheat in case my brain has devolved into sleep deprived baby oatmeal.)

So, given this new level of awareness, James and I had better clean-up our act!  Over the holidays we watched a somewhat unremarkable movie with Casey Affleck called Gone Baby Gone.  I wouldn’t mention this movie except for its highly notable use of replacement word censorship.  They did not resort to the overused “beeeep” or silent cut-out.  I was quite taken with the sophisticated and most generous use of “freakin'” and “bullspit.”

So in the spirit of Gone Baby Gone… which is actually quite aptly named for this blog as it perfectly sums up our freedom of speech, or lack thereof.  Here’s our short list of potential substitute swear words:

Bulls*#$: Bullspit (One of my new favorites.  Thanks Bennifer.)

Shut the f&*% up: Shut the front door (I must give credit to the terrific writers of the TV show Castle.  One of James’ faves.)

F*#$ you/me/it/that: Freeeeench toast (Not sure of the origins but this one is growing on me.)  My mom swears she has always been an extremely liberal user of the word “fart,” but I’m not convinced.  I’m sure it started when I was 10 months old.

S*#$: ? I have still not found a replacement word that is as truly satisfying as this old standby.  Suggestions?

Today is the best day of my life.

Okay, that might be over exaggerating, but it’s definitely up there.  The first wash cycle has just finished on our brand new Bosch dishwasher.  James came home to Jaimie singing a little song, doing a little dance, and generally putting on a gleeful musical show for Baby Jacob in the kitchen.  Jake is also obsessed.  He has run his fingers carefully over every edge, caressing the front with a gentle and loving touch.  My boy.  Though he seems a bit disturbed by the new red laser-like light that shines on the floor.  For me, this light is like finding one last surprise present in the bottom of my stocking…  a solution to the infamously quiet dishwasher problem of my former life.  Now I have a fail-safe way of not opening the front when it’s still on, causing a loud waterfall like sound followed by “Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaim…  how many times are you going to do that?”

A sincere thanks to all those that have made this day possible.  I am forever grateful.

We had to pare down our card this year to make it fit, so here’s the full version with a few extras that didn’t make it onto the hard copy! We’re list people.  If you’ve received any of our past cards, you’ve noticed we like to commemorate the holidays with a wrap-up of the year’s most memorable experiences.  Last year was the “Year of Travel.”  And as luck would have it, the gods of Machu Picchu blessed us with the spirit of Pacha Mama and we invited a new little one to partake in our adventures… which are all a bit closer to home these days.  So without further ado, here’s what we’ll remember most about 2009, aka, the “Year of  Baby Jakey”:

1) We brought in the New Year with a celebration of love at the Pie Ranch “Party”!

2) We splurged and enjoyed all the tweezer food Thomas Keller had to offer at Theee French Laundry during our last kid-free getaway.

3) Ten days early (but still miraculously timed between quarters), on March 14^th, we welcomed Jacob James Fucillo into the world.  Yes, we could only agree on Jake and thus became one of “those families” where everyone starts with “J”.

4) Jaimie finally got to drink that beer she’d been craving for 9 months.

5) After the trauma of the glow worm and the tanning bed, we told Jakey’s jaundice buddy, Billy Ruben (bilirubin), to hit the road!

6) We continued our commitment to eating locally and feasted at two Outstanding in the Field dinners.

7) We relished our new found ability to dress-up an unsuspecting baby in accessories and costumes.  Easter gave us “Easter Bunny Face.”  Halloween gave us “Giraffe Treats.”  What’s in store for Christmas??

8) We had way too much wine and wished there was more food at Bonny Doone Winery for James’ birthday.

9) Jacob was ¾ angel baby, ¼ devil baby on his first of many trips to Flatrock.  He was first to spy Juan the Bear at Sutton, take a turkey roaster bath, watch his Dad and Granddad nearly blow-up the dock, and toast the engagement of Uncle Geoff and Auntie Angela.

10) Jaimie started her blog, “Jake: A Mom’s Opinion” at www.fucillofamily.com.  She’d like to thank her loyal fan.

11) James continued his pledge to “Habitat for Jaimie” and moved everyone and everything into a Spanish Revival Bungalow.  Jaimie remembered too late that she hates moving, but pleads insanity based on the lure of 7 closets and a garage.  Please note our new address: 1474 Shasta Avenue, San Jose, CA 95126

12) We turned our lights out after the candy mania of 700 trick-or-treaters on our new street.  Thank goodness the neighbors warned us…13) Jaimie finished her MBA at Santa Clara University.  Now she’s a master of administering business, or something.

14) The death of Longs Drugs.  We’re still in mourning.

15) It was the year of the freakin’ Swine Flu– who could forget?!

16) Sliders became the new Cupcake.

In less than 9 months Jake went from a quiet little baby to a rolling, crawling, tongue-clicking, clapping, standing, flirting, waving, quacking, rubber-ducky eating monkey!

Happy Holidays to our dearest friends and family—may 2010 be filled with equally thrilling memories. 

Love,

James, Jaimie, & Baby Jake

So today is the last day of Jake’s very first Christmas vacation.  I’m not sure he relished it as much as he should have…  Yes he slept in a couple of times.  Yes he enjoyed some Christmas cookies and other indulgences.  But really, it didn’t seem like he relaxed at all.  And no, he didn’t take care of any of his unfinished projects…  but, here’s a recap of what he did do over his two week holiday.  Which I guess is a lot given he’s 9 1/2 months old…:

* Visited the toy store with his mommy and daddy to pick out a truck.  Was not interested in the $20 dump truck.  Was interested in banging two $.5o pieces of wood together.

* Wrapped presents with Mommy from the comfort of his Baby Einstein.  Sang the same Christmas carols One Miiiiiiiillion times.

* Enjoyed his first Christmas dinner at his Grantmother and Granddad’s house.  Loved Pennsylvania dried corn.

* Attended the Harbor girls Holiday Hoopla at Mel’s house.  Potentially put the moves on Baby Chloe during the group picture.  Tortured little Mayme with her string of beads in a rendition of an elephant and a mouse.  Seriously stunk up the living room.  Met Jenny’s boyfriend Steve for the first time (who I thought looked justifiably frightened)…

* Thought Christmas Eve morning present opening was clearly to celebrate the Baby Jakey, not the Baby Jesus.  Crashed before it was over.

* Stared in wonderment when the Jantz’s Mennonite carolers paid a magical visit to his Nonno and Papa’s house and sang ten rounds of Joy to the World (who knew it had so many verses… and that people actually knew the words to these verses?) and Silent Night.

* Was surprised by another Christmas morning present unwrapping event.  Enjoyed the paper, ribbons, and boxes more than the presents.  Crashed before it was over.

* Hit his Christmas party limit at Aunt Laurie’s house.  Crashed before it began.

* Chased his cousin Covi around under the dining room table.  Tortured Covin as he tried to protect all his cars (Lightening McQueen and Mater) from “Baby Jakey.”

* Maybe ate cat food at the new renter’s house.  Ate dill pickle with his Granddad.

* Learned to stand on his tippy toes to see on top of tables, figured out how to flush the toilet at Disneyland’s Paradise Pier hotel, perfected the art of rolling a ball back and forth to Mommy.  Oh, and now “dances.”

* Enjoyed Mommy’s heavenly beignets in Downtown Disney.  Get your own bag!

* As we went into the hotel restaurant for the Mickey & Friends breakfast, Covin announced gleefully, “It’s Tits!  It’s Tits!!” (translation: Stitch).  Jakey was sure Tits was definitely an alien and wanted his mommy to protect him.  Mommy wanted Jakey to protect her– an alien wouldn’t hurt a lady with a baby, right?

* Went on Pirates of the Caribbean,  Buzz Lightyear (twice), Toy Story 3D (twice), Jungle Cruise, It’s a Small World (Christmas version), the Choo Choo (posed for two pictures by a Japanese tourist), and A Bug’s Life 3D.  Pirates didn’t phase him… but was a teensy bit scared by the bugs.  Mommy was really scared by the bugs.

* Papa fed him an organic cereal puff and said he felt like a priest.

* Developed a drool induced rash goatee.

* Crawled all around the Grand Californian hotel lobby with Auntie Alesia.  Never once looked around to make sure his mommy and daddy were still there.  Made three little girlfriends: Livy, Rose & Shay (who gave him his first sticker).

* Seemed relieved that Christmas vacation was over and he could finally get back to his Caltrain naps, favorite school, and his own bed.

As a follow-up to the pine needle incident…

That evening Jake was super happy and crawled and played and wrestled with abandon.  Yet all of that exercise and happiness did NOT lead to joyous, uninterrupted slumber.  It felt like Jakey woke-up every two hours.  Crying and sputtering.  In the fog of sleep, all I could think about was maybe he can’t sleep because there’s a pine needle lodged in his throat?  Maybe it’s stabbing into his little esophagus…  Could it puncture the lining of his stomach?

James thinks it’s hilarious that he knew this is exactly what I was thinking.  HA HA.

My son just ate a pine needle.

It’s Sunday, January 3rd and our Christmas vacation is coming to an end *sigh*.  Fortunately I go back to work for one day and then we’re going to Disneyland!  N-e-way, James and I were busy taking down the tree.  The teeny little tabletop tree we chopped down at Culver’s with my mom this year.  As always, Jakey is playing underneath us, having a grand old time with the silver bead garland.  And then… I see his wet little hand grab a big pine needle.  You know, he palms it off the floor since his finger/thumb combo isn’t that reliable yet.  And then he deftly shovels it into his mouth in the exact same motion he uses for organic cereal puffs.

I quick try and get his mouth open but he won’t budge.  It’s very much like the scene in my favorite holiday movie, Elf.  Will Ferrell eats cotton balls at the doctor’s office like marshmallows.  Gulp!  This is exactly the image of Jake with pine needles.

All right then, if I can’t get it out then let’s wash it down with some water.  Apparently washing down a dry pine needle with water insights significant gagging, gurgling, and gutteral noises.  But fortunately not the insta-tears from Friday when I took dried cat food out of his hand.  I’m pretty sure he got a piece of that down the ol’ hatch before I noticed, too.  You’d think I had literally taken candy from a baby… not salty little tuna-flavored kibble.  This kid will eat anything… more on that later.

I’m Jakey Jakesmom.  We’re up to the fifth biggest song of 2009, it hit #1 on two major charts, diaper changing and bath time.  Normally it’s sung with an introduction of She’ll Be Comin’ Round the Mountain by Lady Mama (who has just realized these are two different songs).  This year’s hit at #5, I’ve Been Workin’ on the Railroad:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UNrLN5tYd2M

This is Jakey’s Top 40.  I’m Jakey Jakesmom.  And now we’re up to the #4 song of songs for 2009.  It’s a record that went to #1 in the living room, the dining room, the kitchen, and Australia.  This was the song of the summer of 2009 and is known to put a smile on the face of the crankiest of cranks.  The #4 song of the year–Surfin’ Safari by The Beach Daddy:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FS7SUFz36lg

Next up on our count down, coming in at #3 is a song named #1 single of the year by Billboard North Pole.  It spent 9 weeks at #1 on the carols chart.  In a duet by George Clooney’s Aunt Rosemary and Santa’s Helper, Mommy, here is Suzy Snowflake:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KL3F2Zh4s10

This is Jakey’s Top 40 Count Down for 2009.  I’m Jakey Jakesmom.  This year’s second biggest song has been featured in the shower, and every room which that international sensation, Mama, departs.  Sung by Daddy Dithers with back-up vocals from the Crab Cake himself, this year’s #2–Ain’t No Sunshine (when she’s gone):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tIdIqbv7SPo

We’re up to the #1 song of the year on Jakey’s Top 40 Count Down.  This song has been played at such prestigious locations as the dining room table, the back of the car, and the front lawn.  This song was also the title song of a recent Baskin Robbins commercial and has been adapted to the more popular version, Ice Cream & Jakey Cake.  Topping the chart for 2009; the #1 song of the year; this year’s biggest hit; At #1 for 2009 sung by the hip new version of the Mamas & the Papas–Ice Cream & Jakey Cake:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NC_gkcplz_4

And that wraps-up Jakey’s Top 40 Count Down of 2009.  I’m Jakey Jakesmom.  Join us next time with the best hits of 2010.  Till then, keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars.