I really should update my last post from “Pants” to “Big Pants.” They define your level of aura. The Gen Z Gen Alpha crowd likes their pants big. Not exactly MC Hammer big, but apparently the big pants trend originates from the nineteen nineties. Shhh, don’t tell the Zoomers.
In addition to wearing big pants, Nate luh-uh-uhves pushing my buttons. His fave go-to’s are describing everything as “diddious,” which he thinks is positive, despite its Diddy origins. Telling me he’s going to yell out “hawktuah” in class on the last day of school, and juggling.
He totally knows when I’m standing at the kitchen sink washing dishes. He likes to casually pass by outside, dramatically tossing $20 eggs into the air.
He gets to the front door and is like, “I can’t believe the eggs broke in my pocket.”
This is the difference between polyester athleisure shorts and big pants. I order him around to the side door to strip down to his skivvies. Everything is covered in yolk.
“Naaaate. We need every egg.”
2025: The year all eggs became Fabergé…
”It’s not my fault!”
”So whose fault is it?”
”The pockets of these pants are too tight.”
Do you hear that?
I think it’s the sound of losing aura…