Last week James told me our neighbor Ralph told him that the two ugliest trees on our road are right in front of a Biden sign. It was a well-timed dig and just about the funniest thing I’ve heard in a long time. Seriously, we’ve had two of the ugliest trees right at the entrance of our dirt driveway leading to our orange house with brown trim.
The first was a strangely scraggly thing that vaguely resembled an apple tree but without fruit or blossoms or any redeeming qualities. Possibly because it was being strangled by a non-native, invasive jade plant but probably just because of genetics. A few yards beyond was a giant spiky tree that was palm-esque with needle sharp ends. It was round and bushy and I always thought I could put one giant eye on it at Halloween and it would be Mike Wazowski.
I took down ol’ Scraggles several months ago, like, thanks for noticing Ralph. But Mike looked like he’d be more of a battle. Today it was on. He only almost took out my eyes multiple times with his needle leaves. I found a nest in the middle. I want it to be a bird’s nest but that would not be my style… My next door neighbor comes along as I’m snapping off every monster branch by hand and she tells me it’s a yucca. And that it can look really pretty if you trim it up– they have several do I want to come see them? Their garden is intentionally planted and beautiful and unfortunately, I tell her and her innocent daughter, Mike’s a goner. He must be sacrificed for the beautiful baby oak in his shadow. Then James comes along and chainsaws off the remaining branches.
Hey Ralph, now we’ve got the two ugliest stumps on the road.