Twenty twenty will go down in history for oh so many reasons, one of which is… the END OF TOYS. Hard to believe so much joy could be sucked out of one single year. But it’s true. Ages 9 and 11 appear to be the final cusp of lusting after various Nerf guns, which was the final phase of toy ownership prior to man toys, also called electronics. Basically the sequence goes something like: wooden food, super heroes, remote control cars, Pokémon, Legos, more expensive Legos, Nerf guns, bigger Nerf guns, and SCENE.
This year we were going to leave a note for St. Nicholas and spend all our Christmas money on a trip to Germany for the magical markets James and I watched in a Rick Steves’ holiday special two decades ago. Needless to say, that plan went kaput.
Last year’s categories look surprisingly prescient. Good news as I’ve truly been gripped by some sort of holiday paralysis. Probably comes from the fact that I’m convinced it’s April.
Survive
Thrive
Dive
&
Revive
SURVIVE
Still home for the holidays and locked down in a global pandemic— we’re all in survival mode. Wear your mask. Wash your hands. Keep your distance. Let’s make sure we all do in fact survive.
Electronic devices: If your kid’s burned through their iPad, you may have to break down and buy a new one. Headphones on the fritz from too much Zoom school? Now standard issue. Finished Netflix? Consider a subscription to Disney+, Amazon Prime, Hulu, or the awkwardly named Peacock.
Best Buy gift cards: While last year you found yourself feigning interest in spending Saturdays at GameStop, this year you’ve graduated to that magical world of incessant lights and caustic sounds, Best Buy. After they touch every light-up gaming keyboard, cruise by the sunglass display that plays music only you can hear. Bathe in hand sanitizer.
Rechargeable batteries and a battery organizer: Tomorrow I promise to share my one Christmas battery story. Until then, invest in some environmentally friendly batteries and this ingenious organizer. I can’t wait for the boys to unwrap it and give it back to me to use in our junk drawer.
Face wash: You may not have anticipated that this Christmas you’d be the mom of tweenagers, but it’s true. And your sons will undoubtedly be shocked when you tell them finding the perfect haircare products is a lifelong project. They’re still inconvenienced by the existence of both shampoo and conditioner. They’re also highly concerned about the origin of pimples, when you get them, and what to do about it. Head their concerns off at the pass and intro them to the benefits of a faithfully executed skincare routine.
THRIVE
Build a PC: I happen to know at least three people who think this is a great and fun idea and have successfully embarked on this ambitious and expensive project. This appeals to creative types like my eldest who has champagne tastes and sardine means. I recommend a site called pcpartpicker.com for compatibility, plus gift cards for Best Buy, plus a promissory note signed in your husband’s blood that he will oversee and complete this endeavor. All the cool kids pick the clear case and the lighted keyboard with rainbow lights.
Doorway chin-up bar: James got this for our laundry room door and well, it’s basically genius. No screws. Multiple handles. Good for challenging your weakling zombie zoom schoolboys. Note for the blog history books: This is the first time in my life I’ve been able to do an actual pull-up. I can do two. Bragging rights not included.
Ukulele hook: As luck would have it, fourth grade music class involves ukulele lessons with Mr. Kuch. While Nate got his first ukulele back when he was three and it was called his orange “guitar,” he’s now big enough to read music and play semi-real songs. He plays a convincing rendition of Jingle Bells and a less recognizable version of Yellow Submarine. This hook means his assigned instrument may actually survive to be turned back in at the end of the Zoom school year.
Bonsai and a bonsai tool kit: JJ has proven himself a reliable plant owner as evidenced by his truly remarkable caretaking of six lavender plants. Encourage your anime, green-thumbed enthusiast to embrace the meditative properties of bonsai while also feeding your own obsession with all things miniature.
DIVE
Chopsticks: Dive into… another $100 worth of sushi. While it may be true that sushi is “hand food” in Japan, having some reusable chopsticks while dining at home for 269 days and counting may be the thing that keeps us from devolving into belligerent peasants who eat with their fists. Also good for princely lunches of Trader Joe’s soup dumplings and Thai shrimp gyoza.
Hooded swim towels: Like last year’s bath towels, the boys swimming towels have become little capelets that no longer cover their tween backsides. Hoods are key as they protect against the age-old towel dragging elementary school crowd. Name personalization seems like a worthy splurge as we double down on independence building skills like public locker rooms and play dates. Or a future of some such things at some point we hope in the foreseeable future fingers and toes crossed.
REVIVE
Solo soccer trainer: Last year was so easy to find the right gifts for Sporty Spice. The world is geared toward presents for athletes. Especially Premier League Anglophiles. Here’s one more way to get him outside beyond his daily sprint to the chicken coop.
Books: And for your japanophile offspring with an insatiable hunger for Manga books and can still read after months of Zoom school, I recommend the My Hero Academia, Dr. Stone, and Attack of the Titans series. Seem to go through ’em like seaweed chips. We’re also three books into a great series about orphaned Chinese monk brothers with Cantonese animal names who are expert kung fu warriors called The Five Ancestors. Gripping.
Jacob’s Christmas list via text message:
Nate’s Christmas list was just repeatedly saying “nothing” into the world.