We’re still deep into Legos and Nerf Guns. Thankfully, Pokémon is finally losing its grip on our wallets. Now beyond these mainstays, every few years the No It All Gift Guide for Boys likes to mix it up. You know, we gotta keep it woke. We started with the OG “Want, Need, Wear, Read,”, and then upgraded to “Fight, Flight, Write, Sight.” It looks as though every two years, The Guide changes it up so as to keep up with the Gen Zizzah. And so this year we’re rolling out four new cats-tegories:
Survive
Thrive
Dive
&
Revive
SURVIVE
Switchblade comb: Today Nate took a bath after a morning at the beach. After he handled my barrage of questions around the use of soap and shampoo, in non-Nate fashion he said, “I should comb my hair!” Maybe this comb that functions like a switchblade will get them to consider brushing their hair more than once a year. After dinner I asked him if he prefers a brush or a comb? In all sincerity he looked me square in the face and asked, “What’s a brush?” And there it is.
Iron Knee jeans: While the knees aren’t invincible for some kids **cough Jacob cough**, they hold-up longer than most. The darkest “rinse” wash leads to the coolest look over time. And is approved by the jean-snob, I mean, expert, at our house.
Quip: After graduating from chewed-up little manual Marvel toothbrushes to chewed-up little electric Marvel spinbrushes, this is the year we upped our bathroom decor and dental hygiene with metallic-colored Quips. Buy ’em at Target and then subscribe to the refill brush heads online. So far our dental record is spotless. Dr. Petrik attributes kid tooth health to mom tooth health. Given our record, of course I agree.
Deodorant: Seriously, it’s time. Think stocking stuffer. We like Schmidt’s, per a previous post. This sampler looks worth a try, but I’ve also seen Lumé being advertised to me… because somehow the internet can smell Nate’s armpits, too?
THRIVE
Passports: Warning– this is a project. But now that you can envision your children spending countless hours glued to a screen while hurtling in a giant steel tube through the sky, it’s time. You may have those kids you assume you “just trained from birth” to endure long-distance flights without issues. Believe what you want to believe. Our children are now ready for more exotic lands than the Walmarts of Pennsylvania. Get on it.
Vans: Artistic kids may be inspired by white slip-on Vans and a box of fabric markers. Indulge them. Maybe it’ll satiate that itch Ederson can’t seem to scratch?
Acrylic drink dispenser: For the entrepreneurial child at your house, here’s an idea– a lemonade drink dispenser. I’m banking on acrylic. On his way to Sand Hill, he’s already planning to expand his cotton candy business into beverages. Today he pitched me on blood orange lemonade– he’s got a keen sense for what’ll make a gourmand soccer mom pull over her Volvo. He probably also needs a Square.
DIVE
Big kid hooded towels: Now you’re probably thinking… “Hey, now. This has been on the gift guide before.” Especially having reached peak gift-giving perfection with last year’s Hulk hooded towel with pocket fists for my punch-throwing nephew Bry Bry. And I get it. But those little hooded towels from five years ago are barely covering their little boy bum-bums. It’s time for some big kid hoodies. And the flannel lining keeps who’s whose straight.
Man City football club: If you have a little sports enthusiast, online team stores provide the perfect one-stop-shoppe for all your over-priced gifting needs. That’s shoppe with two p’s given the British prices. Most sports teams provide all kinds of fanwear including personalized jerseys and insulated lunch bags. Given Nate now wears his Ronaldo Halloween costume as a regular go-to outfit (shirt, shorts, and socks), Santa’s hit the jackpot. Surprisingly, none of the jerseys include built-in tatt sleeves. We’re fans of Kevin De Bruyne (#17), who appears not to have drawn permanently all over his body.
Poster art: And who has perfected the art of the dive, better than Greg Louganis? International soccer players, that’s who. Etsy has all kinds of cool room art for this age group. If your kiddo isn’t into stadium art, check-out these patent posters for video game consoles and Legos.
Flag football gloves: According to the four hundred email newsletters I get each week in my personal inbox, flag football is the fastest growing youth sport. And not just a go-to for Jr. High PE. Moms like me aren’t interested in spending years of our time and money giving our sons CTE. Enter flag football– all the fun, without the dementia. I don’t know if gloves actually improve your catching, but it’s all in your head.
Smart soccer ball: On Thanksgiving I found the advertising on the Insta particularly effective. I had to get off that thing before I bought a bunch of curling irons and mascara. But I did come across this bad boy. And it looks kind of awesome. Might save our front door from a winter of kickball.
REVIVE
Headphones: Springing for wireless headphones at this age may be worth the splurge. The wired ones broke-off in the jack. Plus they can’t chew through the wire if there isn’t one.
Chromebook: This is the age where they start ’em on Powerpoint. Or whatever Google calls their Powerpoint. Found great reviews on Amazon’s “renewed” version in Man City blue. Now they can practice their Typing.com and presentations without commandeering your electronic devices.
Books: How better to revive little zombies that have maxed-out their screen time than with some good old fashioned literacy. I’m working on some research– currently I’m dying, I mean I’m sure the boys are dying, to read the sequels to Hatchet. Jacob is also eyeball deep into something called Manga, which appears to be the largest double-sided aisle at the last remaining Barnes & Noble within 291 miles along the Cali coast. He’s jonesing for more of something called Tokyo Ghoul (Don’t ask me. I don’t know anything except you read it backwards), and Doctor Stone. I took a look and don’t see any scantily clad cartoon girls in stilettos.
Sippy Cups: Wait? Are eight and ten-year-olds still using sippy cups?! Well, let’s just say they removed the plastic flow regulator years ago and evolved solely into their nighttime thirst-busting solution. And I may have lost a good sense for how long we’ve had these plastic cups and so stop judging. After physically evaluating the Hydroflask and straw lid today at the Whole Paycheck, I’m going with the Swells with sports caps.
Hacky Sacks: Bringin’ ’em back. This seems like the perfect low risk toy for days at Daddy’s shop.
