Jacob has developed a new interest in pranks. It seems finding clever ways of creating mayhem is infinitely fascinating to nine-year-old boys. After some sort of literal interpretation of my rules, he likes to gleefully exclaim, “I beat the system!”
Meanwhile, corporate office life continues to consist mostly of meetings and video conferences and plugging and unplugging six cords from my Mac dozens of times a day. Two weeks ago, I was walking past the same white console table I pass every day, when I notice this ugly green doll staring at me. It has real looking teeth and buggy eyes.
I turn it around to face the wall. And of course I notice it has a button right in the middle of its little alien green bum bum. Of course it does. I’ve come to find out it’s a BUTTonhole.
A few hours later I pass by and the thing is staring out at me again. This is right outside my office. The thing’s so creepy it’s probably come alive and turned itself around. I turn it to face the wall.
The next day I walk by and there it is with its brown human teeth and alien eyes. I pick-up a book sitting next to it and open the book in front of its face. Now it’s blocked and it’s cleverly “reading.”
Forgive this random tangent, but I’m telling James about this ugly doll and he tells me it sounds like one of those dolls people are making and sewing their own children’s teeth into. Wait, what?? I google it and am confronted with this disgusting Etsymom phenomenon called “Tooth Monster Dolls.” But then I click the second link and figure out it’s really just this brand of gross dolls. Thank goodness. Mothers are not sewing their children’s baby teeth into dolls. Turns out my doll nemesis is a Fuggler. I found him on Target.com and his name is Squidge.
So Squidge is reading corporate self-help books. That afternoon I pass him and he’s now sitting on top of the paper towel roll that was abandoned nearby— his creep city face sticking happily up over the top of the book. I snort out loud.
Game on.
I put a full Kleenex box on his head. The next morning, my opponent has ripped a little window so his non-pearly whites show through.
The boys and I have been discussing our planned prank for days. First Jake brainstormed ideas for how we can cover his hideous mug using only props found in my office. The boys are fascinated by who we’re up against. They’re certain it’s a man. Meanwhile, I’m sure whoever it is certainly knows it’s me. I have to conduct my side at lunchtimes in the middle of their workspace.
I prefer not to know. Like being pregnant, I’m perfectly happy not knowing who’s kicking me in the stomach. It’s half the fun.
Jacob’s fascinated with strategy. It dawns on him that my enemy has an advantage– I have to think of all the new ways to cover-up his fugly countenance. They just have to expose it again. We talk about what makes a prank fun and also not something that will get you in trouble with Mr. Jones (our principal). We come up with:
- It’s all in good fun for both sides
- Nothing gets ruined
- Nobody gets hurt
- It doesn’t belittle the other person
- And it doesn’t make a mess or break something that then someone not involved has to clean up (i.e., our school custodian, Mr. Richard)
Last weekend we’re on our way back down Broad after Jacob’s very first basketball game. We swing by my office for our next combat maneuver. The boys find a bonus bowl of random candy. We whisper and sneak around.
And then I did what any responsible mom would do. I took the boys TeePeeing…
