Turning Point

Back in high school, two of my friends and I decided we wanted to take a night class at our local community college— some sort of advanced Spanish class that took place after dark.

My parents told me no in no uncertain terms.  They were certain I would be accosted in a dark parking lot as I searched for my Geo Metro.  Quite an argument ensued.  My blood boiled at the hypocrisy of a lifetime of  girl power and “strong women” messaging clashing head-on into the realities of being a sixteen year old girl with waist-length hair and a car key bigger than her actual car.

The compromise?  I would spend one Saturday attending a class they’d found in the Santa Cruz Sentinel called “How to Kill Men.”  I’m not making this up.

So the three of us carted our teenaged selves to a nondescript hotel conference room in the Beach Flats.  I remember tips on staring down approaching strangers and noting what they looked like, never checking-in to a hotel room alone under your first name– change it to your initial or something more manly, and uttering assertive deterrents.  But what I remember most vividly is the “How to Kill” part… we practiced gouging eyes and knees to the groin and the strength of one’s elbow.

This is also when we were at the peak of our athletic soccer prime– a fierce and dirty band of cutthroat pirates.  Our coaches, Gerald and Donnie, had recently put us through “Hell Week,” and we had the thigh muscles to prove it.  During the class we practiced kicking our assailants.  The beefy instructor took several forceful blows and declared, “You girls in the green Converse should just kick and run.”

My mom loves that line.

This past Friday, I took one of our complimentary fitness classes at work– Power Vinyasa.  It was not your gentle, relaxing yoga.  It was athletic and empowering and in the midst of Warrior II pose, as I stared down the length of my middle finger (fitting, right?), the words in my head became one, clear message:

I am going to <insert expletive adverb> kick cancer in the teeth.

‘Bout time I get myself another pair of green Converse.