Years ago when James and I lived in Mountain View, we went to the movies almost every weekend. James loves the movies. I’ll never forget the time he talked me into going to see The Lord of the Rings.
There was a line to get in. And I do not want to stereotype, but that line made a significant impression on me. It was almost entirely made up of overweight, white males with long, scraggly ponytails and bushy beards. I remember shorts. Glasses. Flip flops. Cell phone holsters. A lot of in-line snuggling with the one or two other girls in the queue.
After watching what felt like two hours of cinematic decapitations in a forest, I vowed to stay away from this bit of subculture… until I unwittingly stepped right back into it.
Over the last few months, as I’ve mentioned, Jacob has been telling me he loves Star Wars. And I just could not figure out how they had gotten to him? Now I know there are essentially two infallible marketing machines for things like this: Classmates and…
Disney.
A few weeks ago I took Jacob to a birthday party for a girl in his class named Juliet. Once we arrived, we found out he was the only boy invited from school. I was sitting at a kids table making small talk when I overheard two little girls.
Little girl #1: “If I tell you something, will you promise not to tell anyone?”
Little Girl #2: “OK.”
Little girl #1: “No, really. You can’t tell anybody.”
Little Girl #2: “OK. I won’t tell anybody.”
Little Girl #1: (whispering). “I really like Star Wars. But don’t tell anybody! No one can know.”
I got up and left the table. I’m kidding.
So Star Wars is hot in kindergarten right now.
Since the day after Christmas, Jake has spent most waking moments telling me what he wants for his birthday. And he has not wavered from “Star Wars Legos.” Specifically he’s been saying he needs “the bad guy with the white face with red on it.”
So I’ve googled “Star Wars bad guy with white face.” I’ve shown him Google images on my iPad. Are you talking about Darth Maul? No? We’ve been researching this for weeks and my Internet research powers have failed us.
Until this weekend when I decided to go on a lone mission to the mall to visit the Lego store. It was a gorgeous day, possibly as nice as The Perfect Day the day before. And yet, the Lego store was crawling with people like ants on a cupcake.
I park myself in front of the Star Wars Lego display segment and use my Princess Leia powers to discern which box is close to age appropriate, “cool,” and costs less than $80. I find one that meets my robust ranking system. But it doesn’t appear to include a “bad guy with a white face with red on it.” I pick-up other boxes and scan the guys. Finally I find a box that comes with three Chewbacca guys, but also has a deceptive picture of a bad guy with a white face with red on it. Jackpot! That’s my man. Now what alarming amount of money do you have to shell out to get this guy?
I get out my phone but still come up short. Now I need two Lego guys. Do I strike up a conversation with the little boys swarming this area or do I put myself in contact, likely with a Lord of the Rings fan? A young man in a bright yellow apron is coming my way. No ponytail, just a giant beard made of Legos hanging down to his belly button. Kidding again.
I show him the back of the box and ask, in possibly the most five-year-old sentence to leave my mouth toward a stranger, “Who’s this guy ‘n how do I get ’em?”
“I think he’s from the Star Wars Rebels cartoon. Sorry, we don’t have those yet.”
And I’m back in the game.
I spend the next day on the train back to my Star Wars bad guy research. I find myself carelessly pouring over a site called Wookieepedia. I repeat, Wookiepedia. I figure out that this Star Wars Rebels cartoon plays on a Disney channel (I knew it). And somehow I find the bad guy is named… The Inquisitor.
That night I am giddy with excitement. Jake is in bathtime and I pull out my iPad and hold it at a safe distance. And he confirms: I’ve finally found “the bad guy with a white face with red on it.”
“Only at the end do you realize the power of the Dark Side.”