OctoNOTS

I’m not sure what it is exactly, but I crave TV.  Crave it.  I think it’s probably because there were those 3 years of grad school where I never really had a chance to relax… followed by close to 4 years of life with little munchkins… and no time to relax.  If I’m lucky, I might get an hour in the evening with my buddy Tivo, and James of course.  Those of you who’ve witnessed how giddy I get when I hear the Tivo buhbleep buhbleep BuhBLEEP buhbleeP are aware that I may be a little alone time deficient.  It might also be a result of my rural childhood with the following channels: 3, 8, 11, 35 and 46.  Yes, I still have that memorized.

And now, we have a problem.  Tivo believes my house is inhabited by a pack of 3-year-olds with unlimited free time to watch cartoons.  Honestly, we currently have 37 “Tivo suggestions” and nothing to watch for someone who does not appreciate bathroom company.  (That’s a real term.  I read an article on BabyCenter.com.)

When Jakey was littler, things were simple.  We watched Handy Manny, Timmy Time and Special Agent Oso.  I knew the characters.  I knew the episodic formulas.  I was a master of a new domain.

But now, now I’m falling behind.  He gets to watch two shows after school while his dad makes dinner.  About an hour a day.  And now the choices and possibilities have exploded exponentially.  There’s The Berenstain Bears, Fireman Sam, Jungle Junction, Dinosaur Train, Doc McStuffins, Max & Ruby, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Pajanimals, Animal Mechanicals, Babar, Dora, Diego, Caillou, Bob the Builder, Rory the Racing Car, Thomas, Kipper, Team Umizoomi, Yo Gabba Gabba, Chuggington, Imagination Movers, Jake and the Never Land Pirates, Little Einsteins, Octonauts, and Wonder Pets.

I recently spent the weekend out with my girlfriends for a Bachelorette party and what was the most heated discussion?  The merits, or lack thereof, between Barney and Caillou.  You don’t have to say it… we know.  I found a pacifier in my pocket during this “wild” night out.

I’m thinking of developing my own parental cheat sheet for Sprout, Nick Jr., Disney Junior and the Hub.  Something like:

• Max & Ruby: Cute bunnies.  Fun to watch.  Your child may devolve to one word repetition in an effort to emulate Max.
• Caillou: Whiny bald kid.  Today’s Charlie Brown?
• Shawn the Sheep: The British teenage claymation version of Timmy Time.  No words just sound effects.  Hilarious.
• Jungle Junction: Animals with wheels like cars.  Some have clever names like Taxicrab.  Most do not.
• Dinosaur Train: Dinosaurs that ride a train.
• Animal Mechanicals: Mystical transformer-like creatures including a unicorn, T-Rex, Sasquatch, and dragon.  And a mouse (?).  You will find yourself exclaiming “Mechana-stretchy!”
• Wonder Pets: Torture.  Don’t get me started on Ming-Ming Duckling and her speech impediment.
• Little Einsteins: Jake calls them Little Einsteims.  This show will not make your child smarter.

Last week James proclaimed to his offspring, “Octonauts, let’s do this!”  A straight quote from the show I’m told.

At least I feel a little bit better about our Bachelorette party.  I don’t remember anyone quoting cartoons.

Clearly, a Glamour DON’T