Betty

Early this year I was talking to James from my office phone.  I’m not exactly sure what transpired… I probably asked an innocent question about dinner which was not well received and James said something to the effect of, “It sure must be nice being Don Draper.”

Now if you don’t know, Don Draper is the main character in the series Mad Men.  Essentially it’s a show about a bunch of cocky ad men in the 60’s that spend the majority of their time smoking, drinking cocktails and schtooping their secretaries while their wives cook and clean and raise their children.  Clearly, I am totally like Don Draper.

And if I’m Don, well then James must be Don’s first wife, Betty.  His current ex-model French Canadian wife doesn’t seem to do a lot of cooking, cleaning or child rearing.

For the months of October and November I got to be Betty, and it was spectacular… absolutely one of the most precious gifts I’ve ever received.

One of my more ambitious friends asked me, “So what did you accomplish?”  I’m not sure that’s really the point of a sabbatical, but I’d say I struck the perfect balance between achieving something, and absolutely nothing:

I did manly things.  I drank a lot of gourmet coffee.  Oversaw 50% completion of the kitchen remodel.  Picked-up paint, bought appliances, sinks, lights, tile, faucets, and various fixtures.  Ordered a porch light and house numbers after two years of research.  Hung canvases of the boys (at their dirtiest) above the bathtub.  Watched our new TV get installed.  And finally fixed the recall on my car, changed the oil and washed it.

I did girlie things.  I was a lady who lunched.  And breakfasted with Brinn.  I shopped with girlfriends on weekdays.  Acquired a record number of new pairs of boots (4).  Did our Christmas shopping.  Got two, yes two, pedicures.  Had a facial and a massage on different days, and a haircut.

I traveled.  I went on our roadtrip to Ashland and Mendocino.  I poked around Los Altos, Menlo Park, Palo Alto, Los Gatos, Burlingame, Campbell, Berkeley and Santa Cruz.  I went to the post office and the tailor and the dry cleaner and the pharmacy.

I volunteered.  Researched book fairs, bought shaving cream, attended Parent Committee meetings.  And served lunch to Our Ladies of Charity.

I was a homemaker.  Got the boys ready and took them to school every morning, picked them up, and figured out what we should eat without a kitchen.  I had breakfast almost every morning with Jacob and his classmates.  Had family pictures taken.  Cleaned the garage, the boys’ closet, the office closet and my closet.   Found new Christmas stockings and had them embroidered with our names, sewed buttons on clothes, and hung up Nate’s baby handprints.  I bought Halloween candy and stood in line forever at the HoneyBaked Ham store.  I planned holiday parties and designed and ordered our Christmas card.

And I didn’t just spend money.  I made money.  I sold the Quinny stroller, the Baby Einstein and some stereo speakers on Craig’s List and made +$245.  Cleaned out our closets and made +$119.  Finally submitted a work expense report (+$700).  Went to court for my Caltrain citation (-$160) and to the eye doctor (-$90).  Plus I gave away all of our baby stuff to my much anticipated spiritual niece/nephew.

Plus, I dated.  I went to Petroglyph by myself.  And went back on a Jake Date.  I went to MyGym on a Nate Date.  And with James to a Bond, James Bond movie.  Went to The Table with the girls for my birthday dinner.  I had lunch with Jill and we drank prosecco.  And I went to the city with James and had midday cocktails.

After a thorough review of my two-month life as Betty… it seems Don isn’t the only one dating and drinking.