All I Want For Christmas

Back when Jake was about Nate’s age, he had his two bottom front teeth and was about to get his top teeth.  One night he was “pole dancing” under our marble bistro table, took a dive, and lord knows how, chipped his little front tooth– before he even had a little front tooth.  I got in big trouble for once referring to it as his “Okie tooth.”  Luckily it’s not noticeable and these teeth will fall out at some point, right?

A couple of weeks ago I went in for my usual biannual dental appointment.  I got to talking to the hygienist and was asking questions about what would happen at Jake’s first dental appointment.  Fortunately, it sounds like the expectations are pretty low.  This is really good news as I’m imagining he’ll probably refuse to even open his mouth… though now I’m wondering why I signed him up for dental insurance if all that’s planned is a 15-minute appointment?  I think I’ve wandered right into yet another root cause of rising health care costs.

So, I was making conversation with the hygienist and said something along the lines of, “How many molars should kids have?  I remember hearing something about 2-year molars… I don’t think my son Jake ever got those…” and my voice trails-off as this freshly minted tooth cleaner looks at me as though I’ve just said I brush my toddler’s teeth with Coke every night before bedtime.

?!  Toddler molars are the least of my worries.  What exactly is the dentist going to do if he hasn’t gotten these teeth… put in an emergency call to the Tooth Fairy?  Let’s all just be glad that he sucks toothpaste off his toothbrush every night.  “Mama, I need to brush teeth.  My teeth are falling out.”  See?  I told him if he doesn’t brush his teeth they’ll fall out… so he hasn’t gotten it exactly right.

While we’re on the subject of teeth, as far as I can tell, the instant babies get them, they go from unskilled laborer to doctor of dental surgery.  Almost overnight.  The first week of December, I had a business trip to Beverly Hills.  I came home and Nate had upped his dental production by 100%, getting both of his top front teeth.  And now I can’t keep his hands out of my mouth.  He finds my pearly whites endlessly fascinating.  And Nate’s teeth are big, square and straight.  They’re nothing like the little tic-tac teeth Jakey has.

Just this week James noticed that Jacob is getting all four of his “second molars.”  Thank goodness he isn’t some sort of dental anomaly due to motherly neglect.  Call the Tooth Fairy back… false alarm.