Handy Mommy

In October, at 19 months, we went against my better judgement and extensive research regarding kids and media (experts recommend no electronic media at all before you’re two).  A coast-to-coast flight was staring us in the face and we were hopeful that cartoons could be our saviour.  And then, for some reason, James couldn’t find our portable DVD player or couldn’t charge it or didn’t want to lug it around or told me that thing was a portable DVD player when in fact it was some other unidentifiable electronic gadget he didn’t want me to know about… I’m not sure.

“Pssst, hey kid.  Want to try a little Handy Manny?  First taste is free.”  I’d say James is now Jakey’s dealer… introducing an addiction, without gaining any benefits during four airplane rides.  When Jake sees his dad he says things like “Mo Manny!  Tools.  Cracker.”

For those of you who aren’t up on the latest programming on the relatively advertisement-free Playhouse Disney (soon to change, inexplicably, to Disney Junior), Handy Manny is a somewhat bilingual cartoon about a handyman named Manny.  I assume his name is Manuel.  Manny lives in Sheetrock Hills and has 8 tools: a saw (Dusty), a hammer (Pat), a tapemeasure (Stretch), pliers (Squeeze), a wrench (Rusty), a Phillips head screwdriver (Felipe), a flathead screwdriver (Turner), and a new Mexican flashlight (Flicker).

James’ favorite tool is Squeeze.  He thinks she’s cute.  I find it weird that she’s the only tool that hovers above the ground like a ghost.  I like Turner.  James has identified him as the voice of all the parents that have to watch this cartoon.  Turner says sarcastic things like, “Of course Kelly has a sleigh runner at her hardware store– now we can fix Santa’s sled,” and then rolls his animated eyes.  I think Jake’s favorite tool is Pat.  He is always talking about hammers.

There was one weekend over the holidays when James was holding an open house and Jake and I were entertaining ourselves at home.  Before I know it, Jake runs down the hall into the bathroom and shuts the door.  Ha ha!  Then what I have always dreaded would happen, happens.  I hear the “click” which means he has pushed the forbidden lock button.  Jakey has not yet mastered turning doorknobs, just shutting doors.

There I am on one side of the door and he’s locked on the other side.  In the bathroom.  Where there is water and irresistible rolls of toilet paper and a counter of potentially dangerous things he’s not allowed to touch but can reach if he pushes his potty bench over to the sink.

“Jakey, turn the knob.  Turn it.”

“Turn it.  Turn it.”

“Jakey, open the door.  No pushing the button!”  I feel my anxiety beginning to rise.  What if I have to break the bathroom window to save him?  It’s raining outside.  What do I do?

“Open, Mama.  Open!”

In a panic I get the phone and call James.  “Jakey is locked in the bathroom and I can’t get him out!  What do I do?”

“What can I do about it?  I can’t leave, I’m in Sunnyvale.”

So I ask myself, “What would Handy Manny do?”  (OK, I didn’t really ask myself this… but it makes for a better story.)

I run to the kitchen drawer and frantically search for something to poke into the lock.  Luckily this is one of our only doorknobs that has a hole on the hallway side of the lock… some of them don’t.  I take the flathead screwdriver and desperately shove it in the lock.  “Pop.”  It’s a miracle!  The door opens and I envelope the unscathed Jakey in hugs and kisses.  Crisis averted.

Handy Mommy.  Just another reason Turner is my favorite.