Soapbox

Last night…

Jaimie: What’s that orange thing outside on the porch?

James: A phone book.  (pause)  Add it to your blog…

Apparently this is Week O’ the Diatribe.

About five years ago, we looked at the three different phone books taking up space in our teensy weensy house and said– be gone with you!  Google has completely eclipsed any need for this baby booster seat.

I do remember the days when I was little, long long ago.  I would hoist the phone book onto the counter and look up the phone number for the 5 movie theaters in Santa Cruz. Then I’d frantically write down titles and times… These days, I pull up my handy-dandy free Fandago app to see the showtime.  Then, a Google map pinpoints my location, providing me turn-by-turn directions to the theater.

I am currently running for president of the household movement of two, to kill the phonebook.  I’m still recruiting Jakey to the cause.  It’s time to eliminate this paper version of the meter reader.  Have you even looked at what’s in the impermeable orange bag on your doorstep before dumping it straight in the recycling bin?  It’s actually two phonebooks.  The difference between them?  NO idea.  One is big and fat and what I would consider to be the typical phone book.  It says “The Real Yellow Pages” on the front, along with ads for a lawyer and a plumber.  The second one is a slimmer more petite version which says “The Real Yellow Pages” on the front, along with ads for two plumbers.  I’d be willing to bet that if I’m successful in my campaign to kill the phonebook, I will be sued by a plumber lawyer.

OMG, I just looked myself up and I’m actually in this antiquated doorstop.  This will not be good once it comes out on the campaign trail…

This week, in the world of utilities, we took one step forward with PG&E, and one step back with AT&T.  “What would elderly people do?” you ask.  They’d probably use their iPhones, like the rest of us.  I’m sure the unemployment stats will tick-up as well with this proposal.  BUT, I propose we retrain and redeploy phonebook workers to iPhone app development.  We must end our dependence on foreign trees.  Just remember, I’m also the greenest candidate.  I propose we save a forest and put a big yellow sticky-note on the front of our phonebooks and place them back on the sidewalk.  The note should simply say: unsubscribe

OK, I’ll get off my soapbox, uh phonebook.