Our life is changing…. again. It’s clear that our previously oblivious, spacey child is starting to become accutely aware of his surroundings. Last Tuesday we were playing on the floor and Jake got ahold of my iPhone. He turned around and I kid you not, pointed it at the TV and pounded the front. When nothing happened he dropped his arm, took a hard look at it, and then raised it back up at the TV. Note to self: Jakey is 10 months, 2 weeks old. (No I don’t have this memorized… BabyCenter.com tracks the age of my child so that I can always cheat in case my brain has devolved into sleep deprived baby oatmeal.)
So, given this new level of awareness, James and I had better clean-up our act! Over the holidays we watched a somewhat unremarkable movie with Casey Affleck called Gone Baby Gone. I wouldn’t mention this movie except for its highly notable use of replacement word censorship. They did not resort to the overused “beeeep” or silent cut-out. I was quite taken with the sophisticated and most generous use of “freakin'” and “bullspit.”
So in the spirit of Gone Baby Gone… which is actually quite aptly named for this blog as it perfectly sums up our freedom of speech, or lack thereof. Here’s our short list of potential substitute swear words:
Bulls*#$: Bullspit (One of my new favorites. Thanks Bennifer.)
Shut the f&*% up: Shut the front door (I must give credit to the terrific writers of the TV show Castle. One of James’ faves.)
F*#$ you/me/it/that: Freeeeench toast (Not sure of the origins but this one is growing on me.) My mom swears she has always been an extremely liberal user of the word “fart,” but I’m not convinced. I’m sure it started when I was 10 months old.
S*#$: ? I have still not found a replacement word that is as truly satisfying as this old standby. Suggestions?
All I have to say is…brace yourself. Calculators, home phones, cell phones, fake toy phones, i pods, i phones, computer mouses…these will all become remotes to your child.
Anything that lights up, flickers, makes noise or is shiny MUST be in their hot little hands. I got whapped in the face with my work badge retractable holder thing as it flew out of Costa’s hand the other day, so beware of those as well.
We have handed over an old laptop to Costa to bang around on (it goes beeeeppppppppppp when he mashes down on several buttons at once). Delightful. He also figured out in 2.5 seconds how to flick off the keys. Sigh.
But — he is heading into, like, THE BESTEST age eva!!! Costa told me he can’t wait to play with Jakey again and credits him for curing his virus thingy…it turns out if was in fact food he gagged on as he woke up the next day perfectly normal and back to himself (in the diaper dept.). Yay!
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