22 o’ June, 2016
Me Dear Tooth Fairy,
‘Tis been donkey’s years since we saw each other at de Fairy, Leprechaun an’ Human Relations Conference. ‘ope we cross paths again soon! Oi wanted ter warn yer aboyt a wee 7-year-auld fella named Jacob, as Ah’ve ‘eard through de shamrocks you’ve been visitin’ ‘imself quite often.
Nigh Jacob an’ oi, we go way back… ‘e’s been tryin’ ter catch me since ‘e wus four years auld. Last year, yer man got a glimpse av me as oi made a break for it from Maestra Patiño’s classroom. An’ den dis year… dis year ‘e built quite a sophisticated wee trap for me on me speshal day in March.
Bejasus, oi barely made it oyt alive. Lost me ‘igh-top green sneakers oi pinched aff a Ken doll– stuck in a tricky Scotch tape trap ‘idden under a cardboard box ‘an a chopsteck. Ambushed! Only got tree gran’ bites oyt av de sweet paddah, too.
Ward on de street is teeth been fallin’ oyt av ‘is noggin loike paci’s outta a wee one. Seems every time ‘is mom’s away, another wan jist jumps oyt av ‘is gob. As oi said, ‘e’s oyt ter catch me… but since ‘e’s ‘ad naw luk, nigh ‘is sight’s are set on yer!
Seems innocent enoof dat ‘is Tooth Fairy pillow is wedged solidly under ‘is pillow at noight, but make naw mistake… ‘he’s tryin’ ter catch yer in de act. De fella is ‘ell bent on catchin’ ‘imself a wee person. Oi even ‘eard ‘imself tellin’ ‘is ma waaat kind av cage ‘e’ll keep me in. An yer too. Yer man knows oi’m fast, but ‘e’s got de flyin’ tin’ al’ taken care av.
Lost ‘is second front tooth on de last day av first grade an’ nigh yer man ‘as a gap in ‘is gob as big as two gauld coins. Went ter Grandma an’ Granddad’s de first weekend in June an’ pulled another tooth oyt loike corn on a cob. Sure you’re feelin’ mighty stoney broke after 5 teeth an’ so many long distance flights ter San Jose, Los Osos an’ Santa Cruz. Speakin’ av Santa Cruz… maybe that’s why yer man looks a wee loike a vampire dees days?
In any case, consider yerself warned me dear.
Yisser true so ’tis mucker,
Sneaky O’Guinness
PS: Yer ‘av a bonny smile. Ye workin’ Froiday noight? Ah’ve glued Jake’s teeth in nice an’ tight so yer can take a noight aff. Pick yer up at 8?