Earl of Sandwich

As I was contemplating the No It All Gift Guide of 2015, I briefly flashed back to a day early on in Jacob’s first year of kindergarten.

He came home and, without warning, declared, “No.  More.  Sandwiches.”

I averted my gaze, curtsied and replied, “May I fetch your Lordship something more to his liking?”  Then scurried off to the kitchen to alert the staff, while silently calculating the number of packed lunches he would eat before he could be sent off to University— a kingdom where he could reign freely and feast upon spaghetti thrice daily.

Now to be fair, I do remember making a similar declaration to my parents, possibly in Junior High School.  And even more likely the afternoon after I had opened up a salmon sandwich during the most sensitive and criticism-attracting era known as the seventh grade.  But until that point, I had endured years of things sandwiched between two pieces of bread.

And so after Jacob’s declaration, we got creative.  We discovered mini bagels or “bagelettes,” and lox.  Peanut butter was out due to the crisis that is the growing peanut allergy epidemic.  Jelly had already fallen to a similar ban several months prior.  Then I stumbled upon the idea of a short wide-mouthed thermos for random leftovers.

Just think of the possibilities!  Leftover spaghetti, bits of steak, tomato soup.  Sliders and pizza bites and potstickers.  Sausages, mini corn dogs, meatballs.  As we had hoped, a whole new world of anti-sandwich possibilities was laid before us.

Around this same time is when the trailer for the latest Alvin and the Chipmunks movie started stalking us everywhere we went.  This one is chock-full of one-liners, one of which is a well-timed, “Nailed it!” from Theodore.  Who, for the record, is still my favorite.  Jake likes Alvin and Nate likes Simon.  We’re an equal opportunity squirrel loving family.  In any case, Nate has been mishearing this classic line and so without warning, but perfectly timed, he’ll exclaim, “Mailed it!”  This is my new favorite thing.

Meanwhile on the lunch front, Jake has a brilliant idea: pigs in a blanket.  Though he calls them something more along the lines of “those little hot dogs we made with Grandma.”  So one morning I wake-up early and in 15 minutes I’ve concocted a bunch of little organic pigs in a blanket.  Yes, the Whole Paycheck sells Pillsbury crescent roll knock-offs.

That night I check in with My Lord…

“So, what’d you think of your lunch today?”

And in his most royal decree, he shines his majestic smile upon me and proclaims, “Awesome.”

Mailed it.


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