NA

Jacob is on the precipice of an addiction.  Up until now, he’s been pretty nonchalant.  Take it or leave it, whatever.  But now, now I am sensing the beginnings of a Nuk addiction.  James denies it… I have proof.

Hi, my name is Jaimie and I’m a recovering Nukaholic.  I’ve been sober for 28 years, 3 months, and 14 days.

As a fellow Nukaholic, I feel it is time for me to step in.  I don’t want Jakey to go through what I went through.  Let’s just say, I have two distinct Nuk-Nuk memories from childhood.  The first is when my mom took my Nuk-Nuk away and put it at the back of the counter of her bathroom sink.  I could clearly see it, but it was just out of reach.  Total torture.

The other memory is of laying on my back in the dentist chair staring up into a fuzzy light.  My mom and Dr. Ceresa are peering into my mouth.  “Her mouth is the shape of a pacifier.”  I swear, that’s what he said.  Obviously, my Nuk addiction was something fierce; my parents have my Nuk-Nuk dipped in pewter on their dining room hutch.

So, I’ve decided it’s time for Jakey to go on the new 12 Step program for Nukaholics.  Based on similarly successful programs, I’m hoping this will do the trick.  Otherwise, we’re going to have to reciprocate and send all the Nuk-Nuks to Washington DC to Baby Killoff…

Nukaholics Anonymous 6 Step Program

(I just learned that the original 12 Step program is way too churchy for my taste… who knew?!  It also can be condensed into 6 steps… I’ve always believed less is more.)

1. Admitting that one cannot control one’s addiction or compulsion.  (This is probably going to be the hardest step.  Jakey is in denial, and telling the truth is not his forte.  Tonight I took off his shirt and he had a clear bite mark on his shoulder.  Teacher Linda C. told me that one of the little girls was in trouble today for biting.  This anonymous little ladybug obviously bit Jake when no one was looking.  I asked, “Jakey, did Hannah bite you?”  “No.”  “Did Emi bite you?” “No.”  There aren’t any other girls in the ladybug class.  Jakey may be bad at admitting when he has a problem, but he’s obviously got your back.)

2. Recognizing a greater power that can give strength.  (Recognize the Mama.)

3. Examining past errors with the help of a sponsor (experienced member).  (I am fully qualified to be his NA sponsor.  I’m a familiar shoulder to cry on.  I answer late night calls.  I’m loving and tough when I need to be.  And I’ve conquered my addiction.  People who used to smoke always talk fondly about cigarettes.  I have to admit, I have tasted a Nuk in the last 6 months, but only because my little Nukaholic has been trying to recruit friends.  It’s been tough, but I’ve been able to resist his peer pressure.)

4. Making amends for these errors.  (Jake may be able to get through this step fairly unscathed as I’m not sure how many people he’s hurt due to his addiction.  HOWEVER, yesterday he was reprimanded for “hitting babies” at school.  I think he can start off with making amends with all the poor little babies he’s been hitting.)

5. Learning to live a new life with a new code of behavior.  (Perfectly stated– I wouldn’t change a thing.)

6. Helping others that suffer from the same addictions or compulsions.  (Luckily this is the last step of NA.  His current “help” would probably consist of popping the Nuk-Nuk out of someone else’s mouth, quick putting it in his own, and running off.)

Jakey, it’s going to be hard.  You’re not going to like it.  Your daddy and your grantmother will probably be a bad influence.  But I’m your NA sponsor.  One day at a time.  One day at a time.